To cap off a lovely weekend, I spent a few hours reading over some of your older blog postings.
Doing that, coupled with thinking about some of you individually, offered me a rare glimpse into a collective psyche. Here's what I deduce:
Some, although not all, of you seemingly have two fundamental fears: 1, the idea of change and/or 2, the possibility of making the "wrong" choice. I can certainly relate.
Now, I know that there are plenty of you who would tell me that the idea of change, especially if it includes a change of scenery from sunny Mays Landing/Mullica/Laureldale to just about anywhere else, would be welcomed with open arms and a huge, block-lettered sign. But, despite the wanderlust or pre-"senioritis" that you have all felt creeping in on you, you have to admit that, at its core, change is a scary proposition. After all, the intrinsic nature of change is that of the unknown, the unchartered, the unfamiliar and the unrevealed.
So, if you are one of the restless souls who yearns for change--what is it about it that is so appealing to you? What do you hope the changes you want to seek out, to undergo or to witness will mean for you, your future, your life? On the other hand, if you are one who double locks the door when change comes a-knockin', tell me what it is about the prospect of it that fightens you. What do you think might happen?
We're not done...oh no...onward...
Now, one of Change's many dance partners is Choice. Right/wrong, smart/stupid, bad/ good..choice exists and you are confronted with the notion of it every single day. Sometimes, these are choices of epic proportions--break-up or stay together; cut class to get that paper done or suck it up and take a zero; confront the back-stabbing friend or let it go; get high just this once or walk away never knowing; and sometimes it can be as inconsequential as chicken patty or PB&J. Either way, your mind has a process it undergoes when you have to make a choice. Tell me about it. Do your weigh all your options and consider possible outcomes, or do you dive in and hope the water isn't too cold? I think I am mix-metaphoring myself into a corner here--but I know you know what I mean.
When you are confronted with a choice--how do you make it? And, more importantly, why?
A lot to think about, I know.
Buena Suerte!
I’m going to start of with the second question first for I feel having distinguished WHY I make the decisions I make will help me better explain my perspective on the ever so alluding idea of “change.” To start, the decisions I make and how I make them vary on the situation. For example, during the summer I had to opportunity to jump off the Stratosphere in Las Vegas which stood at a height of 855 feet. As I stood atop the tower, with my toes dangling over the edge, the wind blowing the chords back and forth, and a small bullseye lying at the bottom, only two thoughts pondered my mind; 1.) am I really doing this? and 2.) jump. You could say I didn’t even think about my decision at all. I literally counted to three and pushed myself off the edge. Others might have been scared, yet all I could think about was how amazing the adrenaline rush felt. Albeit, I did consider the possibilities of the cord breaking or something going terribly wrong, but that thought didn’t even last for a second in my mind. I was just too excited. I, being an adrenaline junkie, love seizing opportunities like this, thus my sense of safety and sanity is instantly diminished.
ReplyDeleteHowever, while my choices in adrenaline rushing situations are that of little or no contemplation at all, making decisions that could change my life forever are things that I continually ponder about. Now, this is where my fear of change comes in. It’s not that I am afraid of change, it is that I’m afraid that one wrong decision could change my life for the worse. That one wrong choice could put me in a situation where asking my parents for help won’t cut it. One thing that I’m sure everyone is both scared and excited about is college. I’m so excited to soon be experiencing a new aspect of my life, away from the comforts of home and my nagging, but with reason, parents, and the daily routine that consists of getting up at 6 am and going to school. However, while that side of change excites my adventurous side, there’s a part of me that can’t help but quiver at the thought of leaving those that are natural and frequent in my life. I’m scared that I won’t like college, that I’ll end up as a failure, and that everything that I’ve ever done to get where I want to be is wasted. Now that type of change is terrifying. In a sense, what I’m trying to say is that I am open to change, but I am always skeptical for there’s a part of me that always thinks the worst.
In the end, I try to weigh the pros and the cons of one decision compared to another before making my final move. Usually, when the situation deals with my parents, no matter how much the decision disfavors me but favors my parents, I’ll go with whatever will please them. If it’s a decision that actually has no true downfall, like jumping of a tower, (wow I didn’t mean to do that I swear...) I honestly don’t even think of the consequences because hundreds of people have done it, what are the odds I’ll be that one in a million who dies free falling? Great way of thinking, right? Moving on, my decisions are an evaluation of cause and effect. I think of how one move will impact me, and I think of how another will impact me as well. The type of situation I’m in determines my decision of whether I go with my gut, or suck it up and do what I should rather than what I want to (i.e. to sneak out and go chill with my friends or to stay home like my mom said). Lastly, change isn’t scary to me. The idea of undergoing a change that has the ability to make me utterly miserable is what terrifies me.
I have to say that I am pretty impressed that you jumped off a sky scraper and I little jealous as well. I think we can all agree that when it comes to the things we live and thrive for, there isn't much of a decision process going on in our heads, we just go for it. Then, when we are confronted with something with far greater consequences, we have no choice but to ponder. College is the obvious example. However, I think you are being a little too cynical about your prospects in college. I think you'll do well at anything you really strive for. Finally, I think you may be the only person I have heard in a while that willingly seeks out their parents advice, good for you.
DeletePaula, I love your example of jumping off the Stratosphere! When I was in Vegas I saw how high that jump was I would of been so nervous! But it's true during that time you try to think of why you should go for that experience, just of course fingers crossed that it'll all go well! But some of the choices we do normally consist of a lot of thinking such as choosing to jump or not. I like your way of going though I kinda see it as the dare devil type of person, one who isn't afraid to choose between right and wrong. Anyway this was a great blog post!
DeleteI can definitely relate to the horrible fear of making the wrong decision. Because sometimes choices you make just aren't reversible and time travel technology has sadly yet to be invented, so we are stuck with that decision. And that's scary. College is also a huge change almost all of us will experience at some point and I too am equal parts excited and nervous beyond comprehension. It's a huge change but it's another necessary step in the process of life; and sometimes it's hard to tell if you should be more scared then excited. This is true of all big changes in our life, of course. And I think it's natural to feel scared of change and to feel scared of the decisions you have to make. It's really just important to not let that fear cloud your judgement or stop you from doing something.
DeletePaula, I have always thought of you as a courageous person, but after hearing your incredible example of jumping off a building, that thought is set in stone. I honestly don’t know if I could do that myself and I think it’s incredible that you could. On that note, I also have ambivalent feelings towards going to college but I think that with your courage and persevering mind you’ll be unstoppable and accomplish anything you want to. I think that fear is a healthy emotion that keeps us in check and is actually something that we can use to our advantage by either allowing it to guide us or completely proving it wrong. Great post!
DeleteAh you little dare devil, you never cease to amaze me. And while I could most likely center this entire response solely around how incredibly jealous I am that you got to jump off a skyscraper, I should probably address the real purpose of this blog. I can relate 100% to your fear of making wrong decisions, and of course the obvious aftershocks that accompany wrong decisions. I also appreciate that you discussed college, because that is one enormous change that all of us will be facing head on in just a little over a year from now.
DeleteI’ll start off with applauding you for having the courage to jump of that ledge. I could absolutely NEVER imagine myself doing that. Just like you, I’m also scared for college. Yes, I’ll appreciate the freedom, but the thought of not always seeing the people that I’m used to scares me. I’m scared of picking the wrong college that I won’t end up liking. I’m scared of not reaching my expectations and failing my parents. As much as I’m also looking forward to college, all the changes that might occur scare me.
DeleteIn my life, I have grown to love change. The idea of going away to college and changing the whole world around me is not scary to me at all. In fact, I am more than ready to find a whole new world and meet all new people. I guess this immense openness to change is because I feel comfortable out of the box. I am comfortable in the unknown, because I easily adapt to new things. My parents sent me to my first over night, week long soccer camp in upstate New York when I was only about 6. From then on, I went from camp to training clinic up and down the coast throughout the year by myself. I guess that allowed me to get used to meeting new people in a strange place very early in life. New experiences and things to be discovered actually give me joy, as corny as that sounds. With change, I hope to get a new perspective and grip on a version of life that I had created for myself. There's more to life than spending the school year buried in a book and spending the summers on a soccer field or laying on a beach. There's ways of life that I haven't experienced yet and with change, I hope to see.
ReplyDeleteThe way I handle the confrontation of a choice varies based on the severity of the situation. Sometimes, when the going gets tough with school, or I feel nervous about performing in front of people, or I don't know how a confrontation with a person will turn out, I just simply say "screw it." It's a crude motto, but I'll never know what my life would be like if I spent my time dwelling on the outcomes a choice can make. A lot of times my problems that seem like the end of the world, really aren't that big of a deal. By letting go, it makes things for me a whole lot easier. Sometimes jumping in full force puts me in a better position faster than I thought I ever could. However, when the choice can make or break something very dear to me, I can definitely say that I weigh in on the options I have. This especially holds true when my choices can negatively affect others. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt someone else. If I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, and that hard place has to do with the wishes of another person, I think before I act and make sure my judgment is in line with the best for me and everyone else.
I really like that you have a, as you put it, "screw it" mentality. I admit, it takes a lot of guts to just accept the chance of something going wrong and just going after something you are striving for. I wish I could say that I just accept the consequences and dive in, but I am a much bigger worrier. I have to contemplate almost every decision I make. I guess that each person develops a decision making strategy that works best for them such that they can make the best choices.
DeleteMaggie, I really like the way you view change reminds me of what I am growing into when it comes to adapting to change. I didn't give much thought about my own experiences though similar to yours until I read your respond. I went to gymnastics camp for a week long training camp up in the Poconos at the young age of 8 and it was a whole new world, neat less to say I know how you feel and didn't realize how easy I can get used to change. As for your "screw it" motto, I really like that as well because it's reminding you to just go for it, and hope for the best, not to let anything get in your way.
DeleteI could really relate to this specific post. I, too, find myself just sometimes saying "screw it" and throw away whatever consequenses would come my way. I guess when you're at a point of total loss and frustration there's nothing else you can do but go with the flow and let nature take its course. Of course, this isnt the best thing to think of at all times, but sometimes it's a necessity. As for your experience in change and desire to seek the unknown, we both hold similar aspirations and opinions on the matter. Wonderful blog post Mags.
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DeleteMaggie, I like how you spoke of change from an early point in your life. I think many people have the misconstrued idea that the “important” changes come later in life. However, especially after reading your post, I find that the changes we make and the milestones we meet are just as important when we’re six as they are when we’re sixty. I agree with you as well that they only way we can experience new things is to embrace change. Nice post!
DeleteAll I can say is thank god I had you by my side at a majority of our soccer camp adventures, because I reacted exactly the opposite way every time we would go away from home. I admire you for your ability to accept change with open arms, and I only wish I could say the same. I also commend you for your ability to adopt the "screw it" attitude and not dwell on things that really don't hold too much significance.
DeleteI wish I approached change the same way that you do. I am excited for college, but also very scared. Being surrounded by a whole new group of people, a whole new lifestyle, a whole new world, scares me. I guess you could say that I’m not very comfortable with the unknown. I’m scared of not knowing what could happen in the unknown. That’s why I was so scared of moving here. The fact that I would be moving to a new school not really knowing and having no clue of how the school works absolutely scared me. I just have to embrace that as life passes by, nothing is ever concrete and change is inevitable.
DeleteI like your outlook on change, personally I wish I had some of it because although I like to experience new things I'm also scared of it. I also think its good thing how adaptable you are I think it could help you in the future.
DeleteI used to be afraid of change. I didn't like moving things around in my bed, or moving seats in grade school every marking period. I used to believe that every other way I would consider doing something would be the wrong way because I was so used to it but never knew what could come out of changing things up a bit. Luckily slowly crawling out of me in middle school and more so now in high school I find it easier to make change and notice it is considerably "ok" to change things in one’s life. I try to look at it this way now: by moving seats in school or switching things up in my room I can experience new perspectives of life itself. I see different views of the classroom by moving my normal spot to somewhere different. By changing my room I can explore new ways of being creative and letting things open up more in my personal space, which I actually just rearranged my room a couple of weeks ago. But aside from these easy going changes, one of my major difficulties to change up would be my way of dressing myself. I'm most comfortable in leggings and a sweatshirt or sports jacket. When I get "dressed up" I tend to feel awkward or out of place because it feels like a huge change to my day. But again, I have slowly opened up a bit more to the idea of change and am pushing myself more often to try new outfits out, maybe something that is definitely not me, but I only think that way until I actually give it a chance and fall in love with the change of my outfits. I hope that change in my life rather it's from my seat in a class room or hanging out with a new group of friends would be for the better reason. Having change I would hope would be because something needs to turn around for the better and by switching things up, that brighter side could have a larger opportunity to express itself. I think it’s important to get used to change because of how almost every day is considered a new day, a fresh start. With that being said there are many opportunities that change may be an option. Knowing that college is right around the corner, for instance frightens me. Going to college is going to be a completely new experience, changing the daily routines that I am used to now. The changes we will go through by going to college are going to be scary but I believe with the right choices and ways of doing things the change can be a good thing! To sum that thought up, I mean to say I could only hope that after changing something or by choosing something different that it leads me in the right direction to a better future.
ReplyDeleteThis leads into the idea of choice, how to choose between right and wrong, good and bad. I'm not the type of person to just dive into something without knowing possible outcomes, but I do tend to still stress about making the wrong decision in the end because sometimes what you personally think is right, may actually be considered wrong but you think otherwise. When I am comforted with a choice it takes me a while to make up my mind even with something as simple as picking out a movie. I don't like to be difficult but I like to believe I'm making a good choice because when it comes to larger decisions I'll feel I would be more capable of deciding based off of everything else in life I have chosen. Sometimes I go with gut feelings, those feelings or choices you don't have to think twice over because you just know it's right! This honestly plays a huge part with my gymnastics. I think back to when I was two and I mom brought me to Flyers to take dance lessons, me being my bratty self and knowing I didn't want to wear those tutus I choice to begin gymnastics. I often wonder how different my life would be if I didn't get into gymnastics. But it was just one of those moments where you knew it was a good choice and I went for it. Some choices and changes in life may be more superior or serious but I often say to choose things that will make you happy and you know it is the right way to go about things.
I think that when we were little kitties in elementary school, we all secretly dreaded the change of seats, especially since those were the spots in which we sat for the entire day, not just for a period or two like now. We had a genuine connection to "our desk" and it gave us comfort. I feel like comfort is huge indicator of how willing someone is to try new things and to make decisions. If you're comfortable with it, you'll go with it, if not, you'll stick to what you know. I don't think a person could be wring either way though. For you, you seem to know what comfort level you work best in and that is something to be proud of because it will allow you to make sound decisions with no regrets.
DeleteWas I the only one who loved changing seats in school? Sure, I'd rather be seated next to my closest friends but I loved meeting new people and switching seats gave me a reason to do just that. I used to be really shy and I never knew what to say to others who I never really talked to. So having switched seats, it allowed me to converse with others and talk on the topic of school and such which later evolved into conversations such as that of our daily lives and soon I made new friends and created valuable friendships. I believe that change is a good thing and that it allows us to experience new things, meet new people, and travel to new places. Sometimes change can hurt us, but I think that change can benefit us just as much, if not more.
DeleteIt's really important that you said 'it's ok to change things' because I've noticed a lot that there's this sort of idea that you shouldn't change yourself, especially if others don't want you to. But if your interests change or your worldview changes and you find that you can no longer relate to these people... it is infinitely more important to stay true to who you are then try and squish yourself back into a mold that no longer fits. And what you've said about clothing I can certainly relate too; sometimes you just end up feeling really stupid and ridiculous when you try on that outfit you really loved. But if wearing those clothes makes you happy then it's important to try and not focus on what other people might think and even to ignore your own negative thoughts. But once again I think it's incredibly important for people to realize, especially teenage girls that you should never try to change yourself for someone else. It doesn't matter if you have a significant other, or paternal pressure, or whatever the reason may be- because the only person you should be changing for is yourself. Make your choices for your own reasons and your own happiness not because you feel pressured by someone or something else. If you're just trying to shape yourself into something to please others it will leave you feeling dissatisfied. (And sorry for getting a bit off-track in my reply, but your blog was excellent!)
DeleteMichaela, moving seats in school is somewhat bothersome; you are not alone! I do not see why we need to do it! Moving forward, I share the fear of college with you. As teenagers we are expected to make a decision about a career that we would like to have until we retire. That is a lot of pressure for a teenager to handle. What if we mess up? What if we do not like the jobs that we once loved so very much? It really is overwhelming. Luckily we have people to help guide us along the way to help assuage some of these fears and help make the transition into college a less stressful one.
DeleteThe depiction of change, I feel, is the ultimate core of whether people see it as a scary trek into the unknown or a evolution into the next, better stage in life. Change has two sides to it ultimately, like a doorway. It has what looms in front of view and it defines the difference between where your are and “there”. For the people who view change only as what lies ahead after the change is made, after the doorway has been crossed, are afraid of it and there’s a simple reason for it. The doorway in front of you know is the entrance to the vast territory of the “future” and so, only being able to have the tiniest, rectangular (unless you door is arched, if so, excuse my generalities) glimpse of that vastness leaves so much to the unknown and that is a very scary reality to face. But for those who see change from the other side, as a mark between where you are and where you will be because of that change, those people aren’t afraid of change because it then takes the form of progress. You can’t move forward by digging in your feet and so some people are able to translate a change to a step toward achievement in their life, whether that achievement is good or bad is a whole other story that luckily I will be able to talk about later in this post. How this relates to my perception of the idea of change is this: change for me, is more a mark of progress, even if it leaves me scared and panicked at times, I know change is essential. On some occasions I can adjust to the various degrees of change that occur in my life and other times, change hits me like hell in an 18-wheeler and I get scared or hurt by it. In the latter situation I am able to find comfort by looking back through the history of my life and the world’s. Change for us humans beings has almost always been a good thing. Being at the bottom of the food chain as hunter-gatherers to the top as well, anything we want to be...good change. Learning to communicate through sophisticated language as opposed to grunts...good change. Making the switch from stone and chisel to computer… VERY GOOD THING! Additionally, for those times when change does hurt or upset a little, we get over it and are usually stronger for it. Therefore, overall change doesn’t bother me, I learn from change and I grow from change and that’s why sometimes I can even say I can’t wait for a change. But as I hinted earlier, sometimes, we take these marks of growth in the wrong direction because the choice we made during a change was ill advised.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part, I have made mostly good choices in my life which has guided me to where I am today, but for me there isn’t really a process to my choice making unless the situation is purely a simple, material decision like which shirt should I put on today. In those cases I gaze back and forth at the options and wait until either my heart or head speaks up. For the more important and relevant choices I make in my life, I have to say that my frontal lobe does an admirable job of judging and making decisions, so much so that I don’t really know how it makes choices. If I had to guess, I would say it consults my morals, followed by my fleeting passion at that time, followed by applied logic until as a last resort it refers to what I have done or seen others do in the past when faced with a similar choice. I also have to say that this process speaks a lot about what I value, which makes sense figuring your values and your decisions are all processed in the same mess of neural cells jammed in your skull. If you think about it, it’s somewhat amazing that such a convoluted lump of tissue can produce the human personality...just something I would like to leave for you guys to ponder.
Tommi, I absolutely loved the way you thought of the different views for changes. Some people open the door and keep walking without a care in the world of what will happen next, believing change is good and they are all for it! But those that are hesitant on the changes behind the door don't always like the thought of changes. Looking into your decision making it's nice to hear that some people go with their heart and what makes you feel right! This was a fantastic post!
DeleteI honestly don't think there is any better way to put change into perspective than the way you described it. It felt as though I was reading my own thoughts that I simply could not find a way to articulate on my own. So thank you for that. I also really admire your personal attitude toward change and your ability to accept it as a positive and necessary aspect of life.
DeleteYour blogs seem to reveal a different side to your personality. The bit when you emphasized the change between a stone and chisel and a computer was frankly pretty funny. You also manage to communicate very intricate and complex thoughts that most would have great trouble articulating. Good job.
DeleteI was a huge fa of all of the little things you do to explain your thought process. The chisel-computer thing was good as David said, but I also really liked your way of explaining change as a door, and how you really can;t see exactly what a change will be until you get there. Great post! :D
DeleteEven though I have grown accustomed to doing things in a routine fashion, I am someone that enjoys undergoing change every once in a while. Although it is nice to adjust to uniformity, change brings an air of rebirth and renewal to one's soul. The overall thought of a positive change sends shivers down my spine. A change in atmosphere is (and has always been) an exhilarating experience for me. When we are involved in a change, we are given new opportunities in life. We can meet new people, learn a new language, visit a new country, or try a new food; things that we would not ordinarily do on a daily basis. I feel as though changes and new experiences keep the mind young and no matter how old I get, I want to keep my mind on the young side of the spectrum.
ReplyDeleteAs I continue to venture on in this journey of life, I wish to make several positive personal changes. I hope these changes are able to help me overcome my overall shyness. More importantly I hope some of these changes help me live a better life. I want to travel abroad someday and take a ridiculous amount of pictures. I want to spend more time with my family from Saint Vincent and the Grenadines. I want to do something spontaneous at my wedding (something that even I'll find strange). I just want to live my life to the fullest while I am able. When I am old and losing my mind and my hair, I want to look back at my photographs and say "wow, I really had fun with my life".
Along with making changes comes making decisions. My decision making process depends on what I am trying to chose. If I have to make a serious decision, I usually take time to decide the consequences of my possible choices. Will this help me in the future or will it leave me unaffected? The more serious choices in my life include which classes I want to take and what I plan on doing with my future. As for the less serious choices, I don't think things through as thoroughly and my brain literally screams "YOLO" right before I perform that task. The last "YOLO" decision was whether or not I should eat a bag of peanut M&Ms. Needless to say I regret making this decision. As much as I love eating peanut M&Ms, I have to take into greater consideration that my stomach no longer loves encountering them.
As I continue to grow up and encounter novel situations, I know that change is inevitable. Sometimes when these changes occur I will have no other choice than to just let things run their course. During such times of change I understand that I will be faced with choices. When it comes time to make these decisions regarding these choices, I hope that I chose carefully. The last thing I want is to be left in a debilitating state for the rest of my life because I made a terrible decision.
I struggle with excessive shyness as well and trying to make changes in your life and put yourself out there can be especially hard when you're like that. But in a way it's all the more impressive when you accomplish some big social feat if you're struggling with shyness! Also I think eating certain foods that are bad for us every once in a while is a great decision. I mean we're all going to die sooner or later, so eat that entire pie, or a bag of M&Ms by yourself if that's what you really desire.
DeleteJasmine, I like how you mentioned that there are changes that keep us young and how you enjoy the notion of having a young mind and change. Like Paige, I also suffer from shyness, hate change, and keep myself away from all the rules that will one day affect me. For the most part, you considered talking about postive changes. Like you said, changes are inevitable and should help us improve as a person.
DeleteJasmine, for the time that I have known you I have considered you to be a great many things, none of them have ever been SHY! You are so full of life and have a wonderful sense of humor and I think that plays into your need for adventure. I think it’s really great that you want to travel so much and that is something I also aspire to do. I like how you connected change with wanting to look back at a good life because I think the main problem with change is people are too afraid to change not of change alone. I think you’re going to have a life that matches your very vibrant and beautiful personality! Great post!
DeleteFirst off i love you! Second, this blog post made me think a lot and i took some notes down. This was a great response!
DeleteJasmine I realized I really enjoy reading your writing I feel as though I am on the same page as you. I think change is good and I definitely want to go through some personal changes to become a more well rounded person. I also agree with you on the decision making process (p.s those m&m's were a good decision).
DeleteGoodness yes. For a moment I forgot about how incredibly 'shy' you were. Oh dear. And another YOLO reference. I feel like the only person that doesn't do that. I always go out of my way to not read any blogs before I write and post my own, but when I do that and eventually read other people's I just get disappointed with my lack of thought development and admire what other people have to say even more, because they're things I agree with and just didn't say. And if you can follow that and it wasn't confusing, that's what happened when I read your blog. Brilliant as always. I too would like to grow old thinking about how awesome I am. Hah. And just saying, everything you say has such finesse. Ah. But just whenever I think of change I think of how badly I never want to leave Oakcrest. I just can't imagine anywhere better, but I have to at least pretend there is something else or I'll get depressed. Or make myself fail for the year. That would be fun.
DeleteI like how relaxed and calm you are about occasional changes to life because I tend to be the one that will feel anxious when faced with life alterations. However, I do agree that changes that I know will be absolutely positive are extremely exciting. Being exposed to a new atmosphere would definitely allow us to expose ourselves to greater and better opportunities and experiences that we can't quite get out of the small town life. I never considered you to be a shy person even when you are quiet but I guess that's just because I mainly know you as an extremely wild individual. Your outlook on decisions is very reasonable and it's good that you have a carefree attitude towards minor choices. I wish I could posses the same attitude towards decision making as you do.
DeleteI really liked the fact that you touched on the fact that change is a refreshing and invigorating experience. It's a change to experience new things that we aren't accustomed to. While most squirm at the idea of uncertainty, I admire that you don't let that nervousness affect you. Even though you seek the comforts of what is natural, you still allow for some change. I think that's a good medium. As you said, change is refreshing. Though some might have issues with too much change, I believe that change now and again is always good for you. Living life as you do everyday isn't fun nor interesting. You've got to spice up your life now and then and the perfect way to do so is to choose something a bit out of your comfort zone. As they say, "Life starts at the end of your comfort zone," and change certainly brings that new experience to you.
ReplyDeleteI have always found time to be relative. We experience everything in stages and never see two incidences the same way. There is always something different we search for in our lives. There are different things that are important to us and different goals that we set for ourselves. When I was five I wanted to know how it felt to ride a bike with two wheels. When I was fifteen I wanted to know how it would feel to drive a car. Change is a progressive part of our lives that keeps us relative to the time we are in. That being said, I would like to consider myself one of the restless souls yearning for change simply because I prefer to be anything but stationary. I am content in my surroundings and enjoy the life I have been given. However, I crave to see the world and to experience everything that I can. The idea of throwing myself into a new situation and seeing how it unravels is appealing to me. I see change as a way to develop and enhance our lives and as a way of thinking. I think in a way that helps me to adapt and change; to me it is only natural to do so and I see it as a necessity to be progressive in life. I don’t know what changes will happen in my life and I am sure not all of them will be positive ones. However, that doesn’t deter me from wanting to plunge into new situations. I live in the present but with hope for the future instead of fear. This is not to say that I am reckless and try to throw my life away every chance I get. I do weigh my choices before partaking in something. No matter the size of the decision, whether a life altering change or a minimal bump in the road, the first thing I do is pray because I want God to help me make my decisions. The second thing that I do is read my Bible. In the bible He promises to never leave or forsake us and I trust in Him. Therefore, I look to God for guidance when making decisions. I also will ask people for guidance that I know have experience in whatever information I am seeking out. I will also ask somebody I consider trustworthy and that I believe will give me insightful information rather than try to hinder my abilities. I make decisions because I believe that life revolves around choices. The decisions that we make will define us for the rest of our lives. They are what divide those that are stationary and those that take their life and run with it. I want to make decisions that will change my life, hopefully for the better, and that will help me change the lives of those around me.
ReplyDeleteFrancesca, I find it noble of you that you live in the present while still having hope for the future. I cannot take a glimpse at the future without having some kind of fear. It is also great that you look to God for guidance. Sometimes we are unable to do things on our own and we maybe in need of a helping hand. You do not need to fear for the future, you will do absolutely fine. You are a bright girl with your head properly on your shoulders; keep your head held high and keep up the outstanding work!
DeleteFrancessca, I like how you used those examples because we saw them. I, like you, have changed and I have seen that the previous stages of my life have shaped and made me the person I am today. If it weren't from all the drastic changes in my life, I wouldn't be doing this blog post. I like how you mentioned the Bible because it gives us faith and a guidline for our lives. I also agree about decisions defining us because we show our character in our actions.
DeleteI love how you live for now because in reality we don't know how much time we have here on Earth and i think it is a great way to look at things.
DeleteSometimes I really don't get how we're friends. You're like change is good for life and I'm like change sucks. Although I admire your whole yearning for change, do you bro. I don't know why I comment on yours, I can never take it seriously. I keep feeling the need to crack a stupid joke or make fun of you in some way. Okay, serious time. I like the connection you made between riding a bike when you were younger and now wanting to drive a car, I would say I could relate but I can't considering I don't know how to ride a bike. So yeah. I don't have much more to say. Peace out blondie
DeleteThe bike-car experience may very well be a reflection of your higher aspirations. You manage to put change in the context of constant improvement while others tend towards a more negative correlation which I guess also reflects your personality. This was very genuine.
DeleteThere are formalities we go through every day but with a reason or the other we have to change our formalities just to be able to go through the day. Considering the various ilk of change, (positive and negative) it recreates our destiny perhaps by allowing us to grow strong mentally and physically. Through change, people could become mature whiles others remain callow. A direct evidence of change is obviously the transition from elementary school to middle school then high school. We could also consider change on the regular bases as in the multiple choice, we have to make decisions on the answer choices being provided. Like a natural phenomenon, change can never be prevented but thrived upon whether positively or negatively.
ReplyDeleteNow, considering the fact that we all have reached a special stage in life where every decision we make directly affects us. As human, I cannot help but sometimes make negative changes which affects my whole life entirely. I wish I could make positive changes to my life always since that cannot be possible I hope I could be able to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. Change is something I have being afraid off because with change comes responsibility. Taking responsibility of my action is not my forte but I believe is a quality that I can develop with time. A change of location is something people consider a huge deal and I second that notion. However, a change in location is as equally important as a change of the mind. People would like to go to different places to explore the place, learn the different types of culture and languages. As that is certainly a beautiful idea, I would like to talk about how certain people react to change. Visiting a new a place derives various reactions, with the first reaction being talked about earlier, the opposite reaction is that, others get caught up with change that they cannot control themselves. They do not consider the opportunities at the new places to be beneficial. Due to our objectives, we see change differently. Decision making is not something that is not new in to me. As some with big dreams, I am always making decisions; which hallway would get me to class early, option A is possible but C is the right answer and what college do I really admire? Decision make is equivalent to change, it is like the air we breathe.
I cannot promise myself to always make the right decision to the rigorous changes in life (second guessing alert) but I hope to make good decisions and be able to accept change and move on with life.
I like your ananlogy to the multiple choice that we have to take. I think that our impetuous minds make us limited to our choices and eventually make bad decisions. At times, bad decisions are sometimes considered great lesson, so we can focus on improving. I also like how you mentions changing our environment because people can sometimes fluctuate when our environment changes.
Deletei agree that our minds do limit our choices therefore makes it harder to choose.
DeleteFirst off I don’t know if I am the only one but when I heard change I think of the John Mayer song. Yup, I am the only one. Anyways, oh change. I have mixed feelings about change. Growing up I hated everything little thing about change because I moved a lot. I hated making new friends and saying goodbye to old ones. Then again, I love meeting new people, trying new things and I am more excited for college than anybody I know. I am ready to start my life for several reasons some more important than others but they all are because I have a great goal in mind. I hope that the world will someday hopefully in my life time be a place of love and respect for others. It breaks my heart when I hear about bullying, murder, rape, and other horrible things.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to making choices it is a whole different story. I am a person that uses YOLO a lot. It sometimes gets me into trouble but sometimes it is worth it. There are certain choices I will have to make like college and hope I made the right one and not exactly knowing til the end but then there are some that when you make it you immediately know if it was right or wrong. The choices that I hate the most are the ones you are on the fence about. Even after you make the decision you question it because you don’t now if it was the right one but in reality if you chose the other option you would be in the same position. There is that saying to follow your heart and that is my thought process for making decisions. Yeah, I get yelled at more than you would think because this method gets me in trouble with my Pops a lot. So am most of the time the person that dives in and hopes the water isn’t too cold. If it is warm I’m happy but if it below freezing I PMS. All my decisions are from what my heart tells me to do…hey maybe I am a romantic person after all even though the decisions are usually over whether my chicken is grilled or crispy at the McDonalds drive through and I tell them to surprise me. Everybody loves surprises.
Dom, I thought about David Bowie's song "Changes", you are not alone in linking this blog to music! I am glad to hear that you are excited about going to college; not very many of us are. The grilled chicken bit surprised me; it sounds a little terrifying. If you seen the movie "Harlem Nights" you will know what I mean when I say "I got my mouth all set for some hash, but there wasn't any hash". In other words, my mouth would expect for the sandwich to be grilled and if it's not grilled I would be less than thrilled. It's great that you are willing to except change even in this fashion.
DeleteWell, you’re not the only one who thought of a song because I actually thought of a certain phrase in a song when I first saw the word change. I’m glad that you’re excited to face something that most of us are really scared of doing. It seems that we can’t really avoid change, and once change occurs, we fall into this whole different routine that we grow familiar with. Maybe it’s time for me to really embrace that change can’t be avoided. I hope that you do achieve your goals and make this world a better place.
DeleteI also hate and love change like you. I’m excited to go to college like you but I also hate change other aspects. I wish I could be like you and say yolo when making decisions in my life but sadly I’m the completely opposite. I admire that you are able to live your life and not let change or hard choices bring you down.
DeleteI like your outlook on change, Dom. I believe that the world could use some serious change to but in order for that to happen we have to start with ourselves, which is a much more attainable goal. I also believe that it is good for you to follow your heart because you're the one who has to live with those decisions so don't let people tell you what to do.
DeleteYour intro reminded me about how I forgot to mention the Shrek reference in the title. That's what I got anyway. Where he drinks the Happily Ever After potion and yea.. Shrek will never die. Anyway. I understand. I moved a lot, too. But at least I've gotten to stay in the district for the most part or arrange it so I could go to Mays Landing schools. Everywhere else is a disappointment. And ah yes. The power of YOLO. I wish I believed in it more but it's too reckless. Though I can't say I'm much better considering I consult coins on what they think I should do instead. Whatever. Good blog. Thanks for reminding me of my fried chicken craving.
DeleteJasmine, I really admire the thought being put into this blog post. My favorite of your blog is the mind feeling young due to change despite how old we get. Saying that shows how important change is, even though we are sometimes intimidated by it.Good job. I hope you get the time to explore other places and take the ridiculous amount of pictures you want.
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ReplyDeleteFrancesca, believing in God is something I find very important in making positive decisions and adjusting to changes. Considering the fact that we are constantly making decisions, living in the present and thinking about the future shows how much we are growing each day. Great work.
ReplyDeleteDom, it might just be me but sometimes thinking about college makes me feel very happy and how far I have come. On the order hand, college sometimes makes me like I am getting closer to being an adult..its nice to know how excited you are about college. It is a huge change and involves a lot of decision making. All the best. Great work.
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ReplyDeleteI have never liked change or the thought about growing up or time. If I had the opportunity to go back to the days of Capri-Suns and training wheels, I would take that opportunity in a heart beat. One of the biggest reasons why I hate change is because I feel like I must improve my mistakes that I made from the past and if change happens or time flies, then I will have no time to improve myself, and I will have to live in a life full of mistakes and bad decisions. There are days when I’m paralyzed because I don’t know what can help me or know how to move on. When I read some of the responses, I like how someone mentioned the time when we were 5 and desired to learn how to ride a bike, but now at 16/17, I’m frightened about driving. To put this in simpler terms, I’m afraid about change because I associate it with time, and I am paranoid about time because it flies by and unravels so many unexpected things and nostalgia. We all know that everything has an end, and unfortunately when the end comes, I start to slow myself because don’t want to face reality or the end.
ReplyDeleteIn the other hand, I think that change is necessary because no matter what, we must define ourselves, and changes bring so many situations where we will have to think, act, and walk differently. Just like Bunje mentioned, change’s best friend is choice and we must consider making good choices so that change doesn’t affect us.
Like I mentioned before, my mistakes come from bad decisions and most of my bad decisions are made from my impetuous mind. Whenever we face a horrible situation where there is no time to weigh-out the consciences, we make decisions based on desperation and pressure. There are times where I’m put on the spot or times where I wait till the very last minute and I don’t have the time to consider outcomes. The probability of me making a bad decision is very high because I always want things to go my way, but my expectation are nothing compared to the results. What I have noticed is that bad choices bring bad situations and those bad situations bring reluctance and the need for improvement.
In all reality, I consider change an essential thing for evolving and defining us; but unfortunately, I am afraid of time. One day I hope that times works with me and that I can manage my decisions without the interruption of desperation and pressure. Most importantly, I hope that can I thrive and let go of the past and forget about all the mistakes I made and define myself as a better person.
Change... an amazingly powerful and often times emotionally charged word. Whether you're toying with the idea that something different needs to be done, have already made the decision things must be done differently, or moved to action to create a different outcome, change becomes part of the equation. Change happens in all areas of life. But that does not in any sense qualify change as something that is easy to handle or as something not to be feared. I have battled with a crippling fear of change for my entire life, and no matter how many times I have been forced to face it and overcome it I cannot seem to rid myself of the looming detriment that I suspect lies around the corner. I find it exceptionally difficult to articulate my reasoning behind this fear, all I know for sure is that no matter how diligently I try I cannot find a solution to the problem. Now, my fear is not entirely irrational, trivial things such as moving up a grade level or choosing a new elective in gym class do not satisfy the criteria of situations that awaken my fear-phobia. However, larger scale issues send me twirling into an abyss of numbness and inability to cope for a pretty significant amount of time. I guess the simplest way to phrase it would be that I do not adapt easily, and once I become accustomed to things the way they are I do not appreciate altering them in any way. No situation I have ever faced has been traumatically serious or entailed any sort of life/death consequence, so I honestly have no idea what exactly it is that I fear may happen once change is enacted. The best way I can understand it is that I like feel comfortable and stable, and change almost always brings about a shift in normality and a brief period of instability and uncertainty. I like to feel as though I have control over my life, I want things done the way I want them done and when I want them done, and change seems to always muddle with that system.
ReplyDeleteThere are some forms of change that I absolutely view as positive and necessary, and I am not at all opposed to change for the betterment of a person or society. But no matter what a change is a change, and that will always be scary to me, especially when I feel as though I have no control over the outcome, which leads me to the next part of the blog which deals with decision making. Often times change results from a conscious decision that we make. That’s a lot of power in my eyes, I mean after all some of the decisions that we will be making in the coming months can and will change our lives forever. And yes, I’m talking about college. In a little over a year from now we will all know where we are going off to school and we will have said goodbye to Oakcrest once and for all. And while I am extremely excited to embark on that next chapter in my life, I am absolutely terrified by all of the things that could go wrong. What if I end up hating college? What if I decide that my major isn’t really what I want to do? There are so many negative possibilities that tie into making such heavy decisions like where to go to college or what careers we want to pursue. But I suppose the only way to overcome that fear is to buck up and trust that all of the good decisions I have made thus far will carry me through into the next phase of my life.
It's shocking to think of how huge an impact the decisions I make in the next few months will affect my life. From what tests I take, to which schools I get in, to which people I meet, to which place I end up living, to what career I end up in, will all be influenced in some way by the next few months. Mind blowing really.
DeleteChange sucks. That was my old thinking, by old I am referring to maybe one year ago. I just didn't like change, I felt like if life wasn't broken, why fix it? Although, now I see that this is not the case at all. Now, I believe change is a good thing. While it may be arduous to adjust to, it's a part of life. Change happens. Negligible change, large change, semi-important change. It's just life. So with this newer view on change, I still can not say I yearn for change. Change in my life has always been a dilatory process, I don't notice it until after it happens. I don't look for a new events or people to bring into my life, but I embrace them when it comes down to it. I still am not a fan of multiple vicissitudes in my life at one time, I embrace change one at a time. I just don't like adapting to new things. Going through a break up of relationships or even a friendship can drastically change how I know have to do things at school. Adaption is one of my least favorite things to do, but it also seems like something I can well. In all honesty, the reason I don't enjoy change is, simply put, I don't want to adapt to the changes. I see now, however, that massive changes are coming soon so I must be prepared to take them on. With college, everything changes. Every quotidian thing I'm used to seeing with change, and I will change along with it. My friends will change. My interests will change. My goals will change. One thing that won't change though, is my love of Star Wars.
ReplyDeleteNow, when it comes to decisions, my favorite thing to do is keep a catholic mindset. It's very easy to capitulate to our instinct of believing we are always right or there is only one side of the story. Whenever I am confronted with a choice, I look at both sides and think about how all this could affect me in the future. Sometimes I ponder about the effects it may have deeply, at other times i realize that the choice won't have much effect and I just quickly make a decision. I do it this way because to me, it's the most efficient way. If you focus solely on one side of the story, you never really had a choice to being with. I know that to someone else, the whole situation I'm in could seem quite different. Maybe they care more than me. Maybe I care more than them. Maybe no one cares and this decision is useless. It's always best to weigh out all your options and when the time comes, make the choice that benefits yourself and everyone around you. That's how JJ Abrams made his decision to cast the old cast in the new Star Wars. He was thinking of all of us.
You know what needs to change Dan? The fact that you're so small. I find your resistance to change and adaptation strange since I see you as good at it. You always seem to rise to the occasion and in that sense, you're big. So overall, you're like medium.
DeleteYeah seriously Dan, you need to change your degree of smallness.
DeleteBut I find your moderate view to change to be the most sensible to all those proposed on this blog. It of course differs from person to person, but the fact that your position towards is changing signals personal growth. But you're still small.
I am constantly saying how much I can’t wait until I get to move out of my house and leave boring old Mays Landing. I’ve always wanted to live in a big city where no one knows each other and you can walk one block and have a Starbucks or Victoria’s Secret right there, (typical white girl). But no, I was raised in little old Mays Landing where everyone knows each other and the only way I can get to Starbucks is by car. I think this is the exact reason that I’ve always wanted change so much, because I’ve never had any change. I’ve lived in the same house and grown up with the same kids my entire life. I’m sick of all this regularity, I need change, I need to step outside my comfort zone. Living in the same area my whole life has not exposed me to anything. I need change to become a more well-rounded person. I don’t know what life is like is in a big city. When I get to college I’m going to be so lost and confused. I’ve gotten so used to the same kids from kindergarten to senior year but when I go to college I’m not going to know anyone. It’s going to be too big of a change. It’s like I want change so bad because I’ve lived my life the same way since I was born basically, but I’m also really scared of change. I’m scared that I’m not going to like the change and I’m going to want to go back to the way things were before. I’m scared that too much change might make me go crazy. I’m a really structured person and I plan literally everything out so too much change in my life could be a really bad thing. I don’t really know how change will affect me though because I’ve never changed. Sorry I’m saying change too much but I can’t think of a proper synonym to use that fits the word.
ReplyDeleteThe choices I make in my life are also the same, I don’t change anything. I wake up in the morning and go through the exact same routine in the exact same order every day. I go through my day at school the same, walking down the same hallways, going into the same classes. I eat the same lunch every day with the same people. I go to dance, come home, do my homework and go to sleep every single day. (Pretty sure I have OCD.) I make the same choices every day. This is why I’m so afraid of change. When a new opportunity comes my way, a new choice that I can make in my life, I weigh every possible outcome and then I usually end up not taking the risk and going with my same old choices. I guess I should start changing up some of the choices that I make on a daily basis and change up a few things in my life. Starting out with the little changes will make the bigger changes (like college) seem less bad. Sorry if you read this post, it’s basically just a reflection of my life and how I’ve decided to change lol.
After reading your post Kassidy I realize I share the same problem with you. Like you I’m tired of the regularity too. It seems to be another factor to why I also like and need change. I hope we both eventually get the change we want in our futures.
DeleteI feel like we all have that conflict of really wanting to change and then being afraid of dealing with the consequences. It's like even as much as we want to change and know we have to there's always that down fall of making that conscious choice of changing.
DeleteChange has always appealed to my baser instincts in many ways both directly and indirectly. An acceptance of change is an indicator of how developed you are as a person. It is bound to happen at some time, you cannot always “double lock the door.” Sometimes a loved one passes away or some other catastrophe which is, let’s face it, not exactly unique. To be so stubborn in the face of change to is just a poor reflection of one’s ability to cope or adapt. Not to say all things should be changed. If it isn’t broken don’t fix it. However, all ideas that may potentially change the way you live or think about the world should be given some minimum degree of respect whether it comes in the form of thinking it over or simply listening. I am not always the most open to change, especially in busy and stressful times, but I also believe change, differentiability, is just the nature of… nature. Calculus is defined as the mathematical study of change. And for all those who say “oh that has no application,” needs to realize that most real life scenarios aren’t linear and cannot be manipulated through algebra. This is essentially analogous to those who go out of their way to keep things from changing. They might be able to fake their way through life but not without a significant degree of error.
ReplyDeleteWhen I approach an important decision, I usually do so by weighing all of the positives and the negatives, the assets and the liabilities. I also have a sort of unconscious filter that immediately removes consideration away from trivial decisions. When somebody asks me if I want white or wheat, I just blurt either of the two so I don’t preoccupy myself with something so painstakingly consequential. However, when I do approach a decision that affects me and my surroundings, I often find myself struggling to prioritize me or well… my surroundings. I know that sounds selfish, but you cannot always cave to the unintended backlashes of others. I feel I work too hard to always bombard myself with constant self-destructive jargon. In times of true indifference when the involvement of others is integral, I tend to take the back seat. It’s funny how we have to chose whether or not we should rise to the occasion and make decisions for other people or for a group. In situations like this, I often fall back on the asset-liability model. Decisions, though they consume a good deal of my life, are things I tend to not dread on so much.
I find your position towards change to be the unconscious expression of your political beliefs. According to Freudian theory, you had some unnerving childhood experiences lol. But it doesn't really surprise me that you tackle your life sometimes like its an econ problem. I guess its a good way to go about it.
DeletePardon my egregious omissions of apostrophes.
DeleteChange whether it’s through school, at home, or somewhere in the world, it is constantly coming. And though it has come outrageously quickly to me I am proud to say I’ve welcomed it with open arms. No matter the difficulties and outcomes the change that has been brought. And I’ve taken it as is and morphed it into my character. But change overall is important and I attempt to always take notice of it. Through the changes I experiences new things are coming and the majority have made my life better. As in I’m making better choices for myself, and I’m learning about myself and others around me. I love change and I need change. I don’t believe for one second that I will always be the same person 5 years from now. Hopefully with the many changes I will undergo I’ll become a more mature person who makes great contributions to her world. Without change how will I ever become entirely transformed into wiser person to share my knowledge with the next generations?
ReplyDeleteThroughout my changes I must make choices though. When I’m struck with a choice I usually have a few seconds to contemplate, if I’m lucky a few minutes. The choices are considered through those few moments as I sit there thinking. My brain scans through as many different possibilities and outcomes all in the hopes I make a “right” choice to benefit from then move on. I refer to all the things I don’t want to happen. Like disappointing people or setting myself down a shady path. This thought process is of the usual way I’ve attacked many of my choices. It makes me feel confident in my choices and confident in myself. Although I have this thought process I’ve come to a personal discovery of another process that I’ve begun to recently use more often. When hit with a choice I have started to cast aside outcomes and possibilities to just simply dive right into it hoping for the best. There’s a type of thrill of being able to throw away considerations of options and just hoping for the best. But for now I see myself better off considering possibilities, especially if I’m it means more confidence in myself.
Change is definitely something that scares me to my core, at least for some things. In some instances I welcomed change and couldn't be happier but others I just want to stay in my own little world UNchanging and happy. First of all changes in my life that frightens me are big decisions like choosing what college I want to go to. This scares me so much because after living in small-town Mays Landing for my whole life knowing the same people in the area to completely getting up and moving is so scary. Considering I want to go to a college out of state it's scary to know that I will leave everything and everyone I know to go live in a city where I'm completely alone, I feel like anything can happen things, not in my control and I cannot stop them, that’s what scares me. If something bad happens to me who is going to help me when my family and friends are miles away. Another thing I'm scared of is growing up and making the wrong choice pertaining to my major. I'm scared that I will pick something then work in the field and get tired of my job which in turn would make me a miserable person. And now that I'm really thinking about it I think becoming an adult in general scares me because I will no longer be able to depend on my parents anymore though it seems as if we are very independent there so many things I still use my parents for like money, food, rides, and most importantly a home, and once I leave I'll be all out of everything. On the other hand there many changes that I would love to experience for example I have always loved Mays Landing and all its attributes but I would like to move somewhere else (with my family) because I would like to know what it would be like to live in another place meeting new people and experiencing new things. Another change I would like to undergo is something that would make me a better person but in order for me to make any decision in my life I must plan. I like to organize my time so I’m prepared and ready for whatever task is presented. When I’m going to have to make an unplanned choice I like to mentally make a pro and con list and try to make the best decision I can without my parents advice the reason I make a pro and con list so I can make the decision that will help me in the future and not one that could potentially harm me or others in any way.
ReplyDeleteAfter actually starting to do things like going to college it won't seem as scary. You will start experiencing things and begin to adjust yourself to the new environment. But there's nothing wrong with finding it scary. I find some of the things you mentioned scary sometimes too.
DeleteI have always been one that’s afraid of change. I like keeping things the way they are. I don’t like changing the way something goes when it’s working. Well to be clearer, why change something that’s not broken. If like is going well, why would I want to change something that I’m unsure about? Yes, I know that a lot of people wouldn’t agree with me, but that’s just how I feel about change. I’m absolutely scared of change and the uncertainty that comes with change, but change is something that could never be avoided. Change is something that consistently occurs in life and is simply inevitable. When I moved from NY to NJ, I was terrified of the change in schools, surroundings, friends, etc., that came with moving. I was scared to be the lonely kid that was by herself due to not knowing anyone. Luckily, I did move to NJ with some people I knew in NY, so I wasn’t completely alone. Still, I was scared of not succeeding in my studies and not being able to adjust to the new environment that I was introduced to. This is also something that scares me about college. I’m afraid of failing and picking the wrong school or course. There are so many uncertainties that come with the future and it just leaves me clueless and afraid.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to making decisions, I don’t think I’m really the best at them. I admittedly say that I’m quite indecisive. This is because I just contemplate everything too much. While weighing the pros and the cons, I end up overthinking something and still not able to reach a decision. There are some decisions that I just make without thinking of what could go wrong, but most of the “major” decisions that I make always come with a long thought process before it. I guess you could say that I’m really afraid to take chances. Whenever I make a choice, I always subconsciously think of the pros and the cons before making a decision, which leads to me taking long to make important decisions. Choices are connected to change and me taking long just to make a choice I think shows that I really am afraid to make changes or chances.
I really enjoyed how you explained why you don't like change. That was a great way of thinking about it. Also like you I realized I'm a little indecisive in my choices too.
DeleteYeah you're not the only want to be indecisive and I feel like that there is a never ending list of pros and cons whenever I make a decision. I also know what you mean by picking the wrong school or course because then it's like "what if I hate it?" then what do I do and will I have the courage to do something different?
DeleteI’m sure it will surprise no one I’m afraid of change. Anything that has to do with the unknown is terrifying - if we’re being honest I’m still scared of the dark. I have a little night-light my mommy turns on before she leaves for work so I never have to get up and do it myself because I’m lazy and don’t want to deal with the monsters that will eat me in the 3 steps it will take me to turn it on once the actual lamp is off. Slight hyperbole. Nevertheless, I don’t like change. I wouldn’t say that I totally shut down at the thought, but I don’t go out of my way to embrace it either. There are too many things that could go wrong. Despite all the complaining I do and bitch-fits I have on a daily basis, I can’t say I’m not happy. I’ve had an incredible streak of luck for all my 17 years, and who’s to know when the universe suddenly decides it needs to balance all that out with some crappy changes. I must have quite a bit of bad karma built up by now.
ReplyDeleteAnd because of this, choice sucks equally as hard. I don’t like either. I appreciate having choices, but that doesn’t translate to automatically liking to make them. Many times, I go out of my way to not make any decisions at all. Literally every single day when I go into the lunch line I have to ask David what I should get because I don’t know and can’t make the decision myself. It’s kind of sad. However, on those unfortunate occasions where he’s nowhere to be found, or it’s a decision he cannot possibly make, I agonize. I am one of those people that sit and think, but then give up and do something completely unrelated. Instead, I flip coins. I ask basketball hoops questions (if i make it yes, if I dont no, that kind of thing). For whatever reason I’ve always liked just letting anything other than me make decisions, which is a fairly terrible habit/ thing to like. And then once again, when I absolutely must make a decision there’s a different course to take. When there is no other possible way and my sad little brain has to do something all by itself, it usually just boils down to whatever mix of what I think is right and what I think is convenient. Everything has to be justified. I feel like I may have kind of skipped out on answering this blog directly, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t like change, and if at all possible I don’t make choices, and that’s all there really is to say about it.
I think it's a little funny that you fear change because you have the pressure of 17 good years behind you. I do the same decision making process except i do the opposite of whatever the "destined" outcome was because i realize i really wanted one option more than another.
DeleteChange and choice overall seem to be such unnecessary burdens and I also fear both in the same way you do. Despite your general negativity, I appreciate your semi-optimistic outlook on the concept of change. Sometimes I forget that crappy changes are temporary but the idea of having the universe balance out my life seems to put me at ease. Making decisions have never really been my forte either but yet I wouldn't be comfortable with placing my decisions in the hands of any other worldly aspects. I guess I just don't have as much trust as you do.
DeleteI also go out of my way to avoid making a choice when asked a question I provide the ambiguous "sure" which really isn't a yes or a no it's a whatever without the slight rudeness that word seems to pose. But my lack of making choices tends to piss people off they don't know what I really mean and truthfully neither do I which is probably the reason I can't make a choice.
DeleteLetting other things make decisions for you is actually very stress relieving because you can cast blame on coins for making you unlucky instead of yourself. Usually when I use coins or anything of the sort to make decisions for me, I examine my reaction to what the decision ends up as to see if I'm content with it or not, and if not, I just pick the other. If I can't decide, I just go with what the coin says.
DeleteTaty this is a great post. I am impressed that you mention that you are afraid of choice and you just let fate decide your choices. That is something I can never do but you have accomplished a lot in the past 17 years so I guess your method is working. I don’t like choices too because I am afraid that it will change my life drastically and so I just choose thing s that really don’t affect my life drastically or whatever affect me the most for the best. So I just learned from you is that if I really need to make a decision I should just flip a coin. Great job on this post taty you did a great job.
DeleteThere is something about the idea of change in general that places some sort of sense of fear in all of us. No matter how positive this change may be, the receiver will most likely still fear for the negative outcomes. I have never been a big fan of change but I find that I have learned to accept it more and more over the years. Now that I think about it, I fear the outcomes of change more than change itself. I think there may be a difference between the two, but I could be wrong. I have always thought of change as something that I was gaining, while the outcomes were always centered around what I was losing, but of course these views differ among everyone depending on the circumstance. I think that most of the major changes that I have experienced resulted in both positive and negative outcomes, but I tend to focus more on the negative. Yes, I know, it’s a terrible way to cope with change, but I can’t help but think about all the positive things that slip away from my life as it alters right in front of my eyes.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think of change, I tend to personally associate it with the many changes I went through as a competitive gymnast. I’ve seen many teammates and coaches come in and out of the gym like an assembly line. Seeing these people leave used to be something that I found extremely upsetting, but after a while I got used to it and these changes had no longer affected me as much. Now that I am a coach back at the place that I used to train at when I was younger, I look around and think about the older, better days as a youngster among a large group of close knit teammates. My boss is the fifth owner of the gym and I feel as though I can never appreciate her completely because she is a physical representation of all the negative changes I have experienced within the world of a sport that still plays a major role in my life. Maybe I haven’t completely accepted this particular change in it’s entirety but I try my best to respect it. I suppose that the amount of negative change that I have gone through has helped me to grow as I person. In the present day, I am more accepting of change and its outcomes. I will experience many changes in my life and I will have to learn how to temporarily live with them until another one comes along, hopefully for the better. I respect change and I realize that it is inevitable, but I can’t help but keep an everlasting grip on the memories from the better times of the past. Change as well as it’s outcomes always find a way to beat me up because they are so unexpected. I fear the amount of negativity that these changes will come with these random outbursts of change but I guess it’s just something that I will have to learn to get over. Time doesn’t stop for anyone so we should always be on the lookout for spontaneous change along with it’s spontaneous outcomes. I am still terrified of what’s around the corner but I am slowly learning to both tackle and embrace the mysterious creatures that lurk among my future.
Part 2: Just like change, choice is inevitable. However, I feel as though choice is something we face more on an everyday basis because life is based solely around decisions. Every approach to a situation is derived from a choice. The multiple choices we make everyday can be as minor as deciding what to do for the day and as major as deciding what to do in life. Even when we don’t do anything about a situation, we are essentially deciding not to do anything. I fear choice for the same reasons I fear change, except this may be more fearful. Change is not always in the hands of the individual that it is effecting but making the right choice is your own hands. One wrong decision and your life can change for the worst. I usually hate making major decisions because of the high possibility of choosing the wrong path. By getting the freedom to make certain choices I am running the high risk of making a terrible decision that could possibly doom my fate forever. If I end up making a bad choice, I will have to live with it while knowing that it was my fault for putting myself into a hole of lost hopes and dreams. Aside from the neverending fear of making the wrong decisions, there is still the rare case when I am well aware and positive about my choice as well as its outcome. Bringing back the idea of change, I am positive that I want to choose a college outside of New Jersey, preferably in the city. I am positive that I need to leave the boring, small town life of Mays Landing and expose myself to a world that is much more rapid with opportunity and liveliness. Going to college somewhere outside of this humdrum town is a choice that I am positive about because it will result in a change that I am willing to experience. Even though this may be one of my only major choices that I am positive about, I don’t think it is necessarily bad that I am so weary of making decisions. Being able to make a choice is a huge responsibility and I always take that into consideration whenever I am placed in a particular scenario. If I were to choose to make any changes to myself, I would choose to dull my overwhelming fear of both change and choice. I guess it’s good that I take both so seriously but sometimes it gets so out of hand to the point where I give myself an unnecessary amount of worries. Facing change is scary and making choices is scarier, but that’s just something I have to learn to live with.
ReplyDeleteFor me, change without warning has only one outcome I can remember and that is bad. My parents’ divorce played a huge role in this resistance to sudden change; for the longest time my sister and I would try to keep the house in the same conditions it was when my dad moved out, down to the gum wrapper. Thankfully we grew out of that and I have since acted as a sailboat in the wind; adapted my sails to the ever changing wind life throws at me. In fact, I think I like change more than I ever had. I constantly want to change my room or my hair or my style. I’m unsure whether it’s the thrill of something new or the use of creative freedom that comes with human identities. The ever present yen I have for change reflects upon my structure of decision making; in fact it completely destroys any form of structure. I make a decision on what I feel in that moment and my guts senses and then allow the cards to fall where they may. This “careless” decision making process actually helps me make the right choices and maintain an attitude that “everything is temporary”. I can handle anything. I was born an anxious person which ensued over analyzing every move I made and then giving up allowing someone else to make my decision for me. I am living my life by take it day by day, moment by moment. However, I do find that the ease at which one accepts change has a degree of apathy to it that upsets me a little; the last thing I want to be is apathetic towards life. I find that people who fear change have emotional investments in what they fear of losing. I wish I could feel that devout love towards something, I’m quite envious of those who still sleep with their stuffed animal or who are afraid to cut their hair. The fear of losing what they have now means they’re happy with what the have and who they are in the moment. Whereas someone who changes like the seasons is constantly moving forward into the unknown, afraid of what is in the moment and I really wish I could be comfortable standing still in the whirlwind of opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry about your experiences with your parents, but I'm definitely glad that you overcame that. You are definitely one of the more flexible people I know, I've never really seen you incredibly stressed out by something, and you never really seem scared to give something a shot, and that is really cool!
DeleteI like your theory on why people fear change because you view these types of people in a more glorified way. It's reasonable to think that people who fear change only fear it because they are passionate and emotionally attached to something that is present in their present lives. It's interesting to see that you view someone like yourself as apathetic because of your carelessness towards change. I guess it could be seen as upsetting but I wouldn't consider it to be anything major.
DeleteDanielle I can really relate to your concept of attachment because when I moved here to Mays landing I had a bunch of friends that I left in Atlantic City. Back then I might be afraid of change because I had something that I personally love and am afraid of losing it. I also believe in my concept that people are afraid of an unknown region that the person had never explored. On another note I am really impressed that you like change because change is such a scary concept for me that I never thought of loving change. Overall you had done a great job Danielle.
DeleteI like change a lot! While I would love to tell you that out is because I am drawn to adventure and the unknown because it is cool or that I just love diving into things blindly for the thrill of it my reason for liking change is very simple. I like change because I become board VERY easily and if things are constantly changing I don't have to worry to much about that boredom. I know how to amuse myself and how to have fun but for me things get old very easily, when it comes to having fun, I am one fickle bitch. So having things change keeps everything fresh and not boring. Sadly I am not supplied with an unlimited amount of change so u often have to initiate it for myself which often ends very poorly but that is a different topic for another time.
ReplyDeleteNow for the part where Neil calls me a sociopath! When it comes to making choices the only thought that goes through my head most of the time is, "will I enjoy this or will I not?" For school it is "how important is this?" and that is just about it, not morals or grand-scheme-of-things type thoughts going through my head (anymore at least) This way of thinking is thanks to my adoption of a very "Mindfulness" way of approaching life. After talking to my social worker and suddenly realizing that I can just decide to not put myself through the mental hell that I struggled through I looked at life and the way I make decisions completely differently. Granted I never really considered the morality of things (yes Neil I know that, that is a sign of antisocial personality disorder, I just don't care!) but now what I consider is just how things effect the moment I am in, because life doesn't care about how it will effect your plans later down the line, you aren't there yet don't try to connect the dots before you get to them.....I think I answered the questions... maybe.
I honestly wish I cold live in the moment sometimes. It really s a pretty awesome quality to have. Not to mention, people our age are told so much to worry about our future that we don't get the chance to enjoy or present, and that is a real shame. Great blog!
DeleteI’m not the type to sit and count the days till I am out of Sunny Mays Landing in fact, I hope to enjoy my time at home as long as possible. Nothing about my life is so terrible that I feel the need to run away from it and there’s nothing I really feel the need to run towards. Sure there’s independence and freedom but I have all my life for that and not nearly enough time to enjoy being a kid. That however, does not mean that I am adverse to the change that is growing up or going away to college considering that’s the fact that what I very much want to do. I want a change in scenery which is really that I want to see another state experience a different life that is not that of living in New Jersey. In addition, I want to experience having to do things on my own without the use of my parents as a crutch to do what I’m supposed to or for them to make decisions for me at some point I want to do things for myself. The change that is going away to college is one that I hope will provide me with a different experience than the one I would get from a college in New Jersey.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time I am indecisive my choices although few don’t come easily but, conversely, the choices that have been the crux of my high school career have been me diving in without apprehension or thoughts to the consequences and those may have been my best decisions. When the call came asking if I would do band it was quick and final yes, a surprise to even myself considering I had previously said that after middle school I was going to quit band. The same with crew it was like once I saw it at the activity fair it looked so different and not having anything to do with a ball or stick that I just had to join. Every other choice in my life has been weighed carefully but once I make a decision in my head it’s done and there’s very little possibility in anything changing my mind. This is mainly due to the fact that I don’t like to be wrong and making the wrong choice is one of my greatest fears because I’m the type of person to dwell on what ifs. I’m always considering the road not taken and what would have happened if I had decided on something different to do with my life besides the choices that I have already made. In addition, I’m also considering the choices I will have to make in the future.
Actually, one of the only things I can say I'm actually really excited for is living alone. I understand I'll have bills and it'll be annoying and so on, but I really just want to be able to do whatever I please without constant observation, not that I really mean anything bad by that. I just don't want to always worry about who's home when I suddenly decide I want to sing a loud and off-key version of (insert any song ever here). And I actually still might be upset over never joining crew. And your musical-ness is badass. Just saying. Decisions scare me. I was too scared to even think of doing something like that and now I regret it like so many other things. Ah. I should try more things. And for some reason this post makes me actually consider it so good job.
DeleteTamirah I really can relate with your blog. I am person who is afraid of change but I have learned to accept change because it is a necessary thing for a person to grow. I enjoyed that you enjoy your time in New Jersey but you want experience what it is like to be in other state living on your own. That is what I mean by change because as a person goes to college they must grow up or they wont survive out in the real world. I believe you will be ready for living on your own without your parents by the time you go to college and I hope I can say so myself for when the times comes. I really enjoy you saying that you hate making mistakes because I sometimes dwell on my mistakes and it is not a great feeling which is why I tried to not make mistake or make sure it wont affect me too much. Overall you did a great job Tamirah.
DeleteChange is a very frightening thing, even for those who want it. I personally am a person that for the most part likes to have a routine, and is frightened at the prospect of big changes. Not to say I wouldn't like to see some things change with how the world works, like having people be treated as equally as possible in the world, social change and stuff like that. But I'm always scared that life will change for me sometimes. I'm afraid that an activity will no longer be viable, or that a person whom I've grown accustomed to being around will no longer want me being around them. I don't mind the world changing as a whole, but I'm not a fan of the small things that only affect me, if you guys get what I'm saying.
ReplyDeleteThis has become plainly evident to me as I'm having to think about college. Over the next year or so, I'm going to learn what people were actually my friends, and I'll drift apart from the ones that only really talked to me because I was there. That's frightening, because I've grown really attached to all of the people I've come to know here, and I don't hold it against any of you if I'm just a friendship of convenience, because going off to college is when you figure that out. But I'm still scared of it, and I think I won't not be until it actually happens.
All of this being said, since I am afraid of my life becoming drastically different, I tend to be rather careful. But then again I have ADHD, so I'm impulsive. That makes me impulsively careful, I guess. Every decision I make tends to revert to being a life changing one (Yes, even the chicken patty PBJ one, although I've been tending to prefer PBJ recently, but still...). So when I'm confronted with a choice, what I do is make sure that Im not making an uninformed decision. I try to dredge up literally any scrap of information I can on the choices I have. Its actually pretty weird, because I have spent a considerable amount of time in lines stuck between two choices. Hell, I almost missed a movie because I was deciding to try and figure out which one I wanted to watch. I just really hate feeling like I chose wrong. I still do though, because I'm human, and one of the biggest measures of a person is not only how well they make choices, but how well they adapt to the wrong one.
Everyone really hates feeling like he/she made the wrong decision, but like you said, it's about how one adapts to the results of his/her decision. I know it's really difficult to do this when you (not specifically you but people in general) are angry or frustrated, but you have to try your best to not let the anger get to your head. Just let it go and remind yourself of the situations insignificance in the end and look at the bright side of things.
DeleteI get bored very easily. It’s intrinsic and driving; I really hate settling into any sort of repetitive pattern. It makes me feel boxed in and limited. I of course appreciate the beauty of regularity and predictability and tradition, but just because some things are better left unchanged does not mean we should not try to change the things that are still undesirable. To show that I understand the importance of tradition, I shall do what I usually do and introduce science into my blog post.
ReplyDeleteI read an interesting article online about some of the personality traits of people. Specifically, this article was about a person’s desire for change. It is my belief that I am in possession of what the article describes as “the novelty-seeking gene”. In summary, there is purportedly a gene in human DNA that controls a person’s desire for change. These people are driven to new things and changes by the Arousal Theory of Motivation: their brains require higher degrees of stimulation to be at the “optimal level of stimulation” so that these people may prefer better by the Yerkes-Dodson Law.
As for the changes I seek out, they would usually be choices that encourage my own personal growth and experience. My thirst for new wisdom that can only be derived from new experiences, both first-hand and vicarious. This implies that I do not see all change as beneficial; in fact, much change is inherently deleterious. I generally have a good sense about what parts of my life I like, which makes me a decent judge of what change to invite and what opportunity to take advantage of.
As for my decision process, I wish I could claim some sort of consistency but the fact of the matter is I can’t. When I make a decision, I can be extremely methodical. I can tackle the issue like a math problem and let the infinite potential of my brainstorming let me consider every alternative and the consequences associated with each. I’m a chess player after all. But I do often make decisions impulsively, that is, without much thought. I trust my intuition and heuristics to carry me throughout certain situations and it all depends on how I am feeling. I hate thinking all the time; it’s exhausting and frustrating. Yet, I love thinking in its richness and stimulation.
The most important decisions I make by thinking first. It’s the necessary precaution for decisions that can have great consequences. Yet, when I’m through thinking, I just let my intuition guiding. I know the point where further thought becomes unproductive and just clouds sound judgment (a skill I veritably owe to chess).
I don't think I'm aware of anyone who just sits in their own self pity because they are to afraid to try new things and look for something better. I don't see why anyone wouldn't take the opportunity. There may be a small risk in trying new things depending on what it is exactly, but that is besides the point. One's state of being is like a person's character in that there is always room for improvement and he/she should be able to take critiques.
DeleteWhen I was three, my brother, my sister, and two of our friends decided to play hide and go seek in the dark. I, of course, was terrified because one, darkness and two, high possibility of a boo boo. I didn’t want to change the game. I thought it was fine as it was...in the light...where the monsters couldn’t get me. As I got older, my fear of the dark drifted away, but then, a new fear came into play-a fear like none else…a fear of the unknown.
ReplyDeleteMy fear of the unknown is similar to my fear of heights in that I’m terrified of them, but overcoming my fear of them feels so great that it’s as if the fear is nonexistent most of the time. I suppose that means that I’m not actually afraid of the unknown? Sometimes, I’m actually excited for the unknown because I long for something new and exciting to bring color to my seemingly dull life. I always try my best to convince myself that I should try to experience new things to see what I like and what I don’t like because there is no harm in trying...unless if it is food and I’m allergic to an ingredient and I break out in rashes. Then, there would be harm. Occasionally my fear of getting a “boo boo” (that word makes me feel like a five year old) gets in the way, but maybe it’s for the best. I’ll just have to trust my instincts I suppose.
In most situations, I contemplate all of the possible results of my decision, and then, I dive and hope the water isn’t too cold. When I’m making decisions, I give myself sometime to let the question sink in before I ask any questions about it or my ideas for it to make sure I don’t say anything stupid. When I’m confronted with a choice, I try to go with what I personally think is right and try to make it so that it will be beneficial (or neutral) to all. Even though they would probably never know that I took them into mind, I still do it because the saying “your actions affect everyone around you” is completely true. I would hate to see a stranger suffer because of a stupid mistake I made because they probably don’t even deserve it.
I, a person afraid of the unknown, use logic and my instincts to make decisions to avoid the actual unknown. It’s my way of conquering that fear in some instances I suppose. I’m defeating it by shining light into the tunnel of darkness. While walking through the tunnel with what little light I have, I try to avoid the little bumps in my path that might cause those around me to trip. If trouble can be avoided, I would take that path in most cases.
For all my life I have been dealing with the concept of change. I have always been afraid of change and yet I have always come to accept it. Even though I try to convince myself that change is horrible and that I would be just better if nothing changes at all I realized that that idea is a naïve thought. Because in the end changes are necessary for life to grow. For example when I was in the sixth grade and I was going to move from my life in Atlantic City to Mays landing. I was initially against it because I thought I would hate to live there but in fact it was the idea of facing something unknown to me at that age. Change is something that causes fear in so many people because it not so much as the idea of something happening in someone life but it is the idea of an unknown entity that about to approach a person range of comfort. That was what I was afraid of when I first moved to Mays landing but after some weeks and months after the change I realized that this change was necessary for me to grow up. Change is something that people don’t really understand because of their perspective. If a friends is moving than that is not technically a bad change it can be good change for the person that is moving. To move on and grow up, a person must learn to accept change and be ready for it. I hope I will be ready for change such that I would be when the times comes for when I am going to leave my home in Mays landing to move to college.
ReplyDeleteChoices are an everyday challenge. People are torn between choosing multiple options that can have a consequence in a person life. Personally for me I just choose by jumping in and hoping that the water isn’t cold. I don’t spend that much time thinking about consequence or weighing my options. I sometimes might consider the options when it is something serious but normally I would just go for whatever I want and hope the consequence isn’t bad. If I were to be confronted with an approach-avoidance problem then I would consider all possible options to make the best choice to affect everyone and anything. I typically am afraid of change but I can face change however when I am making decision I tried to stay within my comfort zone and occasionally step a little bit out of comfort zone with my choices. But overall I am a person who is afraid of change but can confront it and who tried to make decision based on how those options affect my comfort zone and myself.