So, I like Eminem. There. I said it.
I actually like all sorts of music, and my iPod has an eclectic mix of Eminem, Jaz-Z, Lily Allen, the Shins, Imagine Dragons and...Sir-Mix-A-Lot. Don't judge.
Anyway, I so, back to Eminem. Questionable personl choices maybe, but in the end, he has valuable messages to communicate. Case in point: "I am whatever you say I am If I wasn't than why would I say I am..."
At first glance, this is simple, almost elememtary (and poorly punctuated but who am I to judge?) "lyrical content," however, there is an underlying message that the rest of the words sort of belie. I had the benefit of watching an interview of him once and in response to the inevitably trite query: "where do you get your inspiration from, M? (seriously?! "M" as if you were bffs? I hate these so-called "entertainment jounrnalists"), our pal Marshall casually replied, "people are gonna say what they say because they listen to my music and they assume they know me. As though there were nothing more to it than that." His response, by no means a mine of intellecual ore, got me thinking and subsequently has become the inspiration behind this blog question.
How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...".
I know I've said it at least once in the past month! And it's only the 3rd.
In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?
It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make?
Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences. My question is: Why? Why do we care? Why is it important? Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us? Or do they? Be honest with yourself when you answer. And keep in mind there are many questions buried here. Perhaps you will exhume something buried in your own intellectual mine. (see what I did there?)
I've seen ever since high school my attitude when it comes to what others think of me has really expanded to the point that I try not to care what others think of me or my doings. But in reality in our heart of hearts, the question is do I really feel this way? Do I really have that strong of a confidence to not care what other people think of me? I want to be myself, I don't want to pretend to be someone just to impress my peers. Sometimes if I find myself being extra weird or dorky, I stop and think "I wonder what I look like to other people right now", but I try my best to not care, because as long as I'm happy with who I am, than why should it matter? The people who accept me as who I am, are those who don't care how weird I really am, or they are just equally as strange as myself which normally make the closest of friends. In the long run relating to the terms of why I actually would care is because I don't want to come off as an odd teenage girl. I still care in some senses of what people think of me as a person, if they don't like me, than I want to know why. I would want to know what I did to make them dislike me. For a high school student point of view it is important for someone to fit in. I feel as though my opinion is running from we care, but in reality we don't have to care. What matters is how you feel about yourself. If you are pleased with your personality then good! Keep it, don't change for someone else to be please. Do what makes you happy, because I think happiness is one of the biggest keys in having a great life. I believe other peoples expectations have influences on everyone. As I stated before some people care what others think of them, they don't want to come off differently than everyone else of their peers. But this I my note to those people who actually care..don't. Don't care what other people think of you or your ways of doing things. I know it's easier said than done, but after each day, what's it matter what other people believe? Be you and be happy!
ReplyDeleteBE YOU AND BE HAPPY IS RIGHT! You're beautiful. I also do the same things. #girlprobs.
DeleteMickey, I agree and disagree with your point of why teenagers care what others think of them. While it's true that we continually show fear of being unlike our peers, I think it's more than that. I believe that not only are we scared of not blending in, I think it also has to do with the fear of not reaching the ideals and implied standards of society.
DeleteI completely agree that you should love yourself, and by no means should you jeopardize your happiness just so you can blend in with the crowd. Caring too much about what others think can make you lose track of who you are as a person, and that is a really scary and weird thing to thing about, but really, caring what others think about you really isn't all that bad of a thing either. Instead of thinking that it means people want you to change who you are to fit in, juts be who you are, but make sure that you make sure to take other people's feelings into account, because they matter as well, but never at the expense of who you are. I really enjoyed reading your post,and I found it very insightful!
DeleteAfte reading your blog posts, I always get this feeling of happiness. I love reading your blogs because you're always so optimistic. I'm sort of a pessimist so reading your blog posts always give me a sense of reassurance. I sometimes am too much involved in trying to please my parents that I forget to do things that make me happy. In the end, it's always about your happiness and your feelings. Life's too short to constantly fret about others opinions that shouldn't matter to you or me. We are the only people who can let silly matters affect us and once we learn how to stop our mind from caring too much about pointless talk, then we will be happy.
DeleteOur own happiness is definitely what should matter most to us all. Of course we’ll care of certain things at times, but in a regulated way. Though overall like you said “Be you and be happy!”
DeleteI completely second what Paula said. You always assume such a positive and upbeat attitude about any blog response, and your writing always manages to put a smile on my face. I completely agree that there are some people in our lives that we can act totally foolish around and not be judged at all, or at least not care about the judgement. But for the most part, we have our guard up and our sensitivity to other people's opinions is often acute. As you said, we should be the person that makes us happy, but that is not an easy goal to accomplish.
DeleteI always admire your overall confidence and carefree attitude. I agree that happiness should always come first because it is the key to making life more worthwhile. The opinions of others shouldn't have an impact on how we act, as long as we are happy with how we portray ourselves. This post was very optimistic and I think that we should all learn to take after the same mindset.
DeleteI agree with your point that we shouldn’t care about what other people think and all that matters is our opinion of ourselves. I love how optimistic you seem to be about this. I hope it were easy to not care about what other people do think. My parents opinions mean a lot to me, which leads to me doing what they want to make them happy, but I wish I could stand up to them and do what makes me happy. In the end, it’s your life and what makes you happy is what should matter.
DeleteThe last sentence is short but strong. Be you and be happy. It's such a simple concept to grasp and think about but sometime so hard to achieve. I enjoyed your blog post because you really emphasized on being yourself no matter what. Everyone should just be themselves and not care what others think, it's one of the best approaches to life.
Delete"Be you and be happy!" Wise words from my wise best friend. I really enjoyed reading this and i just want to say that your weird dorkyness is why we are still friends so you shouldn't even worry about that stuff, its what makes you so darn lovable :p
DeleteFor some reason it is a common conception, especially among teenagers, that somehow one becomes a ‘better’ person by declaring that they don’t care what other people think of them. Trust me I know, I say it constantly. In a way it provides me with some sort of reassurance of myself, a feeling of individuality and independence. Claiming that you don’t care about the opinions of others seemingly frees you from their bondage, allowing you to do whatever you want because well, screw everyone else. But in all honesty, I absolutely do not really feel that way. If I truly did not care about what other people thought, I wouldn’t take the time to do my hair and makeup every day, I would roll up to school in the baggiest sweatpants I own and act without manners. Caring about what other people think is inevitable; I have never in my life met a person that couldn’t care any less about other people’s opinions. People like that are few and far between, if at all. And if there are people who honestly don’t care, I envy them extensively because that must be such an awesome way to live.
ReplyDeleteIt becomes much easier to develop confidence in yourself if you can convince yourself that you don’t care. It makes us feel good inside, as if we were overcoming the barriers of social pressures and accepting who we are and what we do. It really is a game of convincing though, we trick our minds because we know that deep inside there is always a part of us that does put stock in what other people think of us. It’s difficult to think of a substantial reason as to why this is, when you take the time to thoroughly analyze it as I have done for the past two days it makes no logical sense.
From a very young age we are exposed to copious amounts of pressure from multiple different groups of people. First and foremost would be our parents, I know I can’t speak for everyone but personally I strive to impress my parents and make them proud with everything that I do. I don’t in any way believe that is a negative thing, but it clearly expresses my care for what my parents think of me. If I get a low grade in school or I have a bad soccer game they might think less of me, and in my mind that is absolutely unacceptable. And then of course we are subject unwillingly to the manipulative grasp of peer pressure from the minute we walk into school. Peer pressure is alive and well, thriving in the lives of almost every teenager. In health class we’re taught about the stereotypical ‘smoke a cigarette’ cases of peer pressure, but it exists in so many other forms in our lives, and I believe that it plays a key role in how much we care about what other people think. Giving in to peer pressure is simply acting to please others, or doing something to gain the approval of other people.
I don’t know why it matters so much; it truly makes no sense to me. It may have a lot to do with fitting in, or wanting to be accepted by the people you spend most of your time with. Conformity is popularity in this world, the more you act like everyone else the more they accept you. Insecurity can also cause people to care about the opinions of others. People with low self esteem and a lack of confidence are always looking for the approval of other people to make themselves feel a little better. But insecurity is a two way street, because while it can undoubtedly cause people to care, other people’s opinions could very well be the root of the insecurity. I really wish that I could throw my hands in the air and release all of my worries about what other people think of me, but unfortunately I do not see that happening anytime soon. It’s so hard to let go of that care, it’s almost like going on a diet. At the end of the week you tell yourself that you’re done caring, but the minute you walk into school on Monday you’re right back to where you started.
i complelty can relate to you on the parents parent as you know. You strive to be your best but sometimes it feels like it is never going to be good enough.
DeleteThe beginning of your blog was probably my favorite point of your responce. It is so true, honest and such a great way of explaining why people our age claim that they don't care what other people see us as. It is completely factual that in a way, it gives us a sense of independence and individuality against the common idea.
DeleteYou really hit the nail on the head in the beginning of your response. Everyone has heard me utter the phrase "i don't care." countless times and you are completely right that saying that is just a way to reassure myself that this persona I am acting out has some validity to it.
DeleteI always read your posts before I write my own. I admire the honesty of this post, simply because genuineness seems to be something I feel is missing from a lot of posts. The insecurity paradox is a frustrating one indeed for most adolescents. It would be really cool to live like a person who took no stock in the opinions of others, but I feel as though that might be a double-edged sword. A person like that would probably be very lonely. But I suppose this hypothetical person wouldn't care? At that point, is that person just a sociopath or merely a Transcendentalist? I think a person like that would need a very, very strong moral compass.
DeleteI know everyone has once said or even says daily, “Who cares what everyone else thinks? Do you!” I am not going to sit and say I haven’t said that to myself or even to a friend because I have. It depends on the situation when it is the truth. I truly think other peoples perspectives of you and in my case the expectations people have for you is when you care about they think. I can relate to this particularly with parental pressure. I never have once given into peer pressure. I’ve always wanted to do what I thought was right not what everyone else thought was right. I know I am not the only one who tries to live up to the expectations that your parents set. Even if I know I am way over my head I would do anything to make them proud or just hear the words out of their mouths. Why do we care so much? We all know that this answer is simple but we always seem to over think it. We are afraid of failure and rejection. Failure and rejection go hand and hand. We are all scared of failing when it comes to school, a test, sports and other activities or simply not being enough. I know I have said to myself more than 50 times since school started that I’ll never be enough. I think we are as students and juniors specifically take in a lot daily that we can’t help to truly surpass what others say to us especially parents. We are all trying to please ourselves and everyone else when in fact we need to have more SELF INTEREST. If you guys know me from AP Gov last year you can never go wrong with Self Interest. (Winky Face). I also realize that I used WE a lot but in fact I was assuming you guys felt the same way I did. Pressure sucks and is the one thing that can eat you alive.
ReplyDeleteDom, I really liked your blog. However, I have to disagree in your statement tht failure and rejection go hand in hand. Failure is not meeting your goal and it always negative. However, though rejection can be disheartening, everything happens for a reason. A rejection could have been the element that was needed to open another door of oppurtunity.
DeleteDom, I think you wrote this really well in order to get your point across. Peer pressure isn't the way we should live each day by. Everyone should be able to make decisions for themselves, or do what makes them happy. Sure I don't want people to judge me as a weird person, but in reality what does their opinion matter as long as your closest friends accept you and you are happy and pleased with who you are. Great post!
DeleteYou and I are practically twins. Like you, I don't really succumb to the effects of peer pressure, but if were talkinf about parental pressure... I've already given in. Everything I do, everything are sometimes so widely influenced by what I think my parents will think. I want to meet the expectations of my parents and I care too much about what they think to actually think for myself sometimes.I think its because they're my parents that I care so much about retaining their acceptance. Over time though, I think this whole parental pressure will lift off my shoulders. As for.now, I'm still holding this huge load of expectations that I'm not sure I can fully handle.
DeleteI think you made an interesting point in saying it is not about what others think of you rather the expectations people have for you are what matter. I have found this to be true in my own life in that I have always made an effort to meet the demands of others. This definitely could be considered a source of why we perceive ourselves in such a negative way. It adds an unreasonable amount of stress and I think we need to focus on our confidence and success more than our potential failure.
DeleteI definitely agree that we need to start caring a little more about ourselves, as convoluted as that might sound. We are the only ones who know ourselves the best and therefore are the only ones who know what influence is good for us and what isn't. Even our parents, although we allow them to affect us more than we should as you explained, don't know us as much as they think they do. I think the problem is not just lack of self interest but lacking the ability to recognize our own personalities and so when others try to superimpose their own ideas we accept them because we don't know any better. You hit home from my standpoint on everything you said. Concise and thoughtful, the way I wish I could write.
DeletePressure does suck. But we can’t run away from it because it’s going to happen somehow. I can also relate with wanting to especially please your parents. Having them proud is the best, but we should remember our personal happiness. There’s nothing more important than ourselves right now.
DeleteI can totally relate with you when it comes to parental pressure and I also don’t really fall under peer pressure because I will stand my ground for what I believe is right. Just like you, I will do anything just to make them proud my parents proud. However, we do need to realize that we need to please ourselves too to live a truly happy life. I wish all this pressure would just disappear, but sadly, it’s not that easy.
DeleteI think you are totally right in the respect that you said we are all scared of failure or at least I definitely am. Which goes hand in hand with the fact that you said we are trying to please everyone and ourselves because when we fail others we feel we have failed ourselves. This is probably due to the people pleasing nature we all seem to have ingrained in us.
DeleteThe point you had about us being scared of failure and rejection is very true. Many people over think why we do the things we do to impress others and it's because of our constant need to feel accepted and successful. Our fear of rejection leads us to change who we are to fit who we think people may like, it's just the way it works. Good post Dom
DeleteDom I totally agree with the fact that everyone had once said the “Who cares what everyone else thinks” Just like you my decision was from how I can make my parents happy. I just want to show appreciation to my parent but it doesn’t have to be in my decision-making no it can be in any form but my decision is my decision. So no one can tell me what I should do except myself. But great job on the blog no really great job.
DeleteI think I've said multiple times in my past blog posts that I am sadly a people pleaser. I am in an endless race with myself to make sure that people around me are satisfied and it honeslty drives me absolutely crazy if I hear the words "I'm dissappointed in you." So yes, I do care what people think of me. However, I care to a certain extent. I am not out to carry out actions under the influence of every peer pressure out there. Additionally, I live my life generally away from the status quo. Along with others, I really do try to keep myself content. I realize that while there are expectations that I try to meet, sometimes it's not worth it in the end. I know my boundaries and I generally know when enough is enough. Honestly, I think that most people who continually preach that they "never care what other people think" are either liars, in denial, or of just complete arrogance. At somepoint in everyone's life, a person or idea lent a hand in molding their own mindsets. While opinions of others can be of hindrance towards us, the influence of others really pushes us to become better people. Pressures from parents and my own self though they do stress me out t no end, is the reason why I tend to push myself to succeed everyday.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the influence of others helps us improve as people. Without others to let us know that we are doing something that isn't good or acceptable in society, and we would continue being an idiot. Personally, even though I find it embarrassing in the short term, and I tend to resent the person doing it, I appreciate when people call me out on the things that I do wrong in life, because you really can't catch yourself all the time, sometimes you need the help of another person to allow yourself to evolve as a human being, however in the short term it may be, and however small that evolution is. Good blog, by the way!
DeleteI really admired the fact that you were so honest in this blog post. Unlike others, you were very open in addressing the fact that you do, to a certaim extent, care for other's opinions about you. I think this blog post in itself is a test of peer pressure and ones resistance of it. Our audience are our peers and sometimes being honest to our peers can be a struggle. I think we all, at one point or another do get offended by what others think and are influenced by them. We aren't robots, we do have feelings. I think that maybe some people are better hiding it than others or maybe some people truly just do not care at all. It takes a lot of self confidence to truly not care and I admire the few people who may have aquired this trait.
DeleteMaggie, as I had stated in my blog post I try my best not to care what others think of me, but in reality, if someone has a wrong idea of me, or simply doesn't like me, I'd want to know why. So in some cases I do agree with you, no body really "doesn't care" because the characteristics of who we are, have been helped by the people and their opinions around us. So its okay to have the comfort to want to please people. I think this was a great respond!
DeleteI can relate to you in that I am also very much a people pleaser. I often do things to make other people happy and not worry about my own feelings. I think it's great that you are aware of your own boundaries and that you put effort into making sure that you balance your own happiness along with the happiness of others.
DeleteI applaud you for the fact that you have the guts to say you’re a people pleaser. It’s great that you’re honest with yourself and others. The ability to do that isn’t as common as some people may believe. Also it’s safe to say that I too dislike being disappointed in. But we’ll keep working hard and remembering our boundaries.
DeleteI also think it is good for you to admit you are a people pleaser, I can say myself that I used to be guilty for the same charge but something changed and I only value certain peoples opinions and it was almost like a weight lifted from my shoulders and I can now stand a little taller.
DeleteI agree that sometimes the actions and thoughts of others help mold who we are. I can sincerely say that people have come into my life and changed me for the better. In addition I like the fact that you said you are a people pleaser because I believe everyone is to some degree or at least I am.
DeleteYour point about being a people pleaser really applies to me. No matter who the person is, I try to make sure they are happy at whatever cost to me. Being a people is tough and as you know, never really works out too well.
DeleteFor those of you who’ve read some of my previous blog posts, you’ve all pretty much inquired the fact that I don’t really care for people’s opinions. While this statement still holds some truth, I’d be lying to you if I said that I am never affected by it. No matter how kind someone may seem, people are people and people always have something to say. I used to be this really shy, self-conscious girl who whimpered at even the thought of someone whispering crude things about her, but as I grew up, I started to care less and less about the opinions of people who don’t matter to me. Now don’t mistake that statement. What people think of me actually does matter to me… but not in the way you think. You see, I care a lot of what my family thinks of me because they’re the people who create a significant impact on my life and who have influenced me in being the person I am today. If anything were to give me the most pressure in my decisions, it has got to be, hands down, my parents. Peer pressure doesn’t have a major effect on me because I’m really good at basing my decisions based on MY morals rather than other’s, but when it comes down to doing things that my parents would or wouldn’t want, I’m always torn between my heart and my mind (though my mind always triumphs in the end seeing as I’m deathly terrified of my parents). I sometimes question myself on why I can easily deflect the effects of peer pressure but when it comes to parental pressure I quickly succumb to the force. While others can easily disobey their parents and shrug at the thought, I shudder at the image of going against my parents wishes. It’s not that I’m terrified of them in the sense that they’ll “beat” me for getting a B or for lying to them, but I’m terrified of the idea of letting them down. Nothing pains me more than the thought of my parents thinking I’m not good enough or that I am the cause of their disappointment. It’s safe to say that I’m sort of a goody-two-shoes. Sure, I’ve had my rebellious moments here and there, but most of the time, I play by the rules. I care too much about what my parents think of me and I think that is my achilles heel. I know you’re all going to think, “Oh, they’re your parents. They’ll love you no matter what you do.” But that’s where you are wrong. I’m not scared of whether or not my parents love me or not, because I know they do, I chose to do these things and push myself to the point of mental breakdowns and exhaustion because I feel obligated to. I feel like I HAVE to get all A’s or that I HAVE to get into a good college because my parents expect it of me. They’re my family and I think because they’re my family that my decisions and opinions are widely biased in order to please them. Writing about this, finally opened my eyes to realize that sometimes I just need to relax. Caring about what my parents think is a good thing and a bad thing. It’s good to care because it forces me to achieve things I normally wouldn’t have the drive to do, but it is also a bad thing for sometimes I feel like I’m not doing all these things for myself but rather, for my parents. My dad used to tell me that he isn’t intentionally putting all this pressure on me but actions speak louder than words. He might say that he’s content with my A- but he’s always got that, “but I know you can do better” comment to say afterwards. I know my parents aren’t intentionally putting all this pressure, to be perfect and what not, on my shoulders, but sometimes it feels that way. Maybe, it’s not even my parents putting all this pressure on me, but it is myself who is. I’m not really sure at the moment, but what I am sure of is that one day, when we’re all old and wrinkly, we’re all going to laugh at our old selves and say, “Man, why did I care so much?”
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, I didn't think to take into account that the input of some people may mean more than others, and I completely agree. Your mother or father's opinion of you definitely means a great deal more than some Joe Schmo on the street. I really can't believe I didn't think of that, great post!
DeletePaula, I think this was a great post! Whatever people say, its okay to care what your parents think, besides they know what's best for you and are just trying to help. But between all that you still have the strong attitude of not caring what others think of you, so I think both things even themselves out. Great post!
DeleteI for one, absolutely love the fact that you are one of those girls who don't care about the opinions others have of you. It's a characteristic that I look up to since I certainly can't say I possess it. I am sure that once the people around me mature and realize that rudely judging people "just because" is pointless and start to be more polite, I will have better confidence. But until the day when the claws retract, I'm not sure I can copy your strength. I however, share your desire to please my parents. I am also afraid of letting them down but for different reasons. I have three older siblings ahead of me who have made names for themselves and have left legacies that have made my parents proud. Because of this, I strive to make them proud too but I don't really allow them to influence me in any other way. You wrote a very insightful blog in total.
DeleteThe last comment you had for the blog was both amusing and thought provoking. It got me thinking about how we perceive ourselves now and in the future. It is common for us as teenagers to want to conform to an ideal picture of what we should be. However, it’s funny to think of how trivial all of the stress, aggravation and detrimental perceptions truly are. Therefore, I am at a loss for words why it matters so much now when in 30-40 years we won’t be able to construct an answer. The decisions we make today will affect the future that we have tomorrow. However, all of the thought poured into what others think in the end is only harming us. I think it matters above all else how we view ourselves because in the end that will become the driving force that pushes us towards success and contentment, not the critiques of other people. You have so much to offer the world, have confidence in yourself and great blog!
DeleteI really liked the way that you broke down the differences in how you care about what people think of you. It makes a great deal of sense to care about the opinions of people that mean something to you. But as for people that hardly even know anything about you, there is absolutely no reason to pay any mind to what they have to say.
DeleteI like how you related your response to that of your personal family pressures. I feel like it’s very easy for us to interpret this in a very social kind of way that completely ignores the fact that we act in accordance to our family’s standards. What’s interesting is the variability of this family factor among people. What I mean is that families are more intrusive than others. My family is more indifferent to my academic and social life (or at least not as interventional), so the ability to respond to this blog in a way that encompasses the pressure that comes from family is almost impossible to me. However, the pressure we tend to get from our peers tends to be a more universal sentiment. Your response helped me realize that so thank you. Great post!
DeletePart Won:
ReplyDeleteTo say that peoples perceptions of you have no effect on how you live your life is just simply not true. To what extent, and by what means is different with the person, but no human being, save for hermits are without the influence of other people, and most of them left because of a hatred for other people, so still being governed by them. Some people care very little about what others think about them, others have it absorb their life. I feel as if I lay somewhere in the middle, albeit leaning more toward the latter's side. While I have never spent a whole night sobbing because someone doesn't like me, I definitely care a decent amount about what other people think about me, because life is something to be shared with other people, and if they find you unenjoyable to be around, you can't expect them all to change their mind, so sometimes, you have to make some personal changes for the benefit of most parties involved. But by no means am I saying that you should change who you are as a person to appease the masses, but look at it this way: Say you thought of a joke, and you tell this joke to multiple people over the course of the day, with none of them getting it, so maybe it would be the best course of action to take that joke out of your comedic arsenal. But just like this, there are some things that people do that they should pick up the hint that it isn't really good or acceptable to do in really any environment. Like I know a person (and don't worry, it is literally, honestly none of you) who is the most apathetic person I have met when it comes to others' opinions, and while some may say “Good for you!” Let me tell you why that is really not the case. This person is rather cocky, antisocial, and completely lacking on social cues, not to mention a complete buzzkill (self-professed, might I add), pretty much the human equivalent to Sheldon Cooper, only somehow more grating. This person is so adamant about not caring what others say that they have more or less willingly set themselves up for failure in the future, when they have to try to make new friends that they haven't had 15 years to build up a kind of understanding with. But on the other hand, there are people who spend so much of their lives trying to fit in with what others want them to be, that they cease to become people of their own, and may never fully realize it until they wind up in a position where they have nobody around them to be influenced by. This would be why you need to find out for yourself the balance you want to use for how much other people's opinions matter to you.
Part Too:
ReplyDeleteNow, a very good question is “WHY do we care what others think about us?” To that I rely with one word. Acceptance. As we mulled over in a previous blog, acceptance is a big issue, and it will really never ever cease to be one. No one truly wants to be alone, and no one truly wants to change who they are completely solely for acceptance by the crowd. This leads to everyone getting changed gradually by each other, until we either become an accepted member of society, remaining within the guidelines of acceptability of the majority, while still remaining individual interesting people. That, or we become so enamored with the idea of not wanting to be a follower, or care about others' opinions, that you exclude yourself from the other people, becoming complete outcasts that revel in the fact that others don't find them worthwhile company. Now please, don't get confused here, I am really not saying that to be accepted in society you must be some cookie cutter goody two shoes stick up their butt person. I am by no means one of them, but I consider myself to be a socially minded person. I am saying this because there are unwritten rules to social conduct, huge ones that can get you immediately and vehemently exiled from human life (like killing people, big crimes in general) small, almost negligible rules that some might not even notice that really wouldn't get you noticed at all if broken (sneezing without saying excuse me, not folding up your napkin and putting it on your lap at the dinner table), and rules in the middle that affect how people see us, and how you see people, in different ways. Oddly enough, it also tends to be the people who give minimal craps about how people see them that tend to be out of line with these rules, because really, isn't it a truth that you only never care about what someone thinks when it is a thought that isn't in your favor. Like, if someone complimented me, I wouldn't think “Well what the hell does he know!?! Screw that guy!” just like if someone said that you weren't the best conversationalist, and maybe a little bit deranged, you would respond in turn with “Screw you, man! I am amazing at conversations! Just ask my imaginary friend!” before realizing that no one asked you a question at all, and you're standing I the middle of a snowfield in Alaska. Dear God, I've gotten off track, maybe I'm the one who's gone off the deep end! Well anyway, in conclusion, everyone cares about what people think about them, whether in a good way or a bad way, and people care because of a want to be accepted, or a deep seated want to not be accepted, if the case may be, and whether you know it or not, what others think matters to you as well, and that's okay, because coexisting with one another is what we are all supposed to do as fellow members of Earth.
I have found this blog to be by far the most challenging to answer. This is because I don’t see how any one answer can cap such a broad topic of “why” people care what others think. I am sure there are psychological studies and various insecurities that could be pinpointed to an explanation. However, each person individually has their own reasoning for their actions and I think that must be taken into consideration when weighing if and/ or why others’ portrayal of us is so crucial to our existence. I think that what it comes down to for many people, especially those with a teenage mindset, is what others perceive us to be instantaneously becomes the perception we have of ourselves. Though we know our inner content we have a tendency to forget the beautiful uniqueness that molds us; we lose sight of our beliefs, values and opinions and allow onlookers to decipher who we are. We get the misconstrued idea that how we are viewed outwardly holds the key to who we are in the core of our hearts and in order to truly embrace who we are this mindset must be eliminated.
ReplyDeleteI have heard multiple times that first impressions are the most crucial time for determining how a person will be perceived. It is the point in time where we determine our emotions toward a specific individual and these perceptions are incredibly hard to counteract. This is also why I believe what others think is so “important”. Though it may be the individual’s fault for being criticized negatively due to behaving a specific way, it is the fault of the critic as well for not taking time to get to know the inner most parts of the other person. We are too quick to make assumptions about one another and therefore make each other paranoid about what someone else may think of us at a glance. These trivial perceptions can have a severe impact on the daily choices that we make. Whether we decide to associate with a specific group or not or whether we are more willing to persevere in sports or school work is all connected to society’s idea that we must impress upon others our superiority. It is this ideology that takes away from who we are as individual people and implements a tremendous amount of stress in our lives. If we cared less about what others thought than we would have more room to focus on our perceptions of ourselves. This in turn, will affect the atmosphere around us, not vice versa. Most importantly the confidence will be attainable that is crucial to unlocking everything we are intended to be, unique and beautiful.
I absolutely love your point that at our age, what others think of us is what we become. You said the words I was incapable of finding when I started writing my blog. Teens are in the hardest part of the journey of self discovery and as a result, we are easily distracted from the path we are trying to take. We don't have a good idea of our own identity so we try to fill in the gaps with what others see in us. I absolutely agree that people need to stop allowing others to change us. In my mind, to be beautiful means one must be different. I also really life the way you pointed to the fact that others' opinions are important because once an opinion is formed, it is hard to break. Overall, a great blog!
DeleteIt's upsetting to know that we start to stray away from our true, unique self just so we can portray ourselves as more appealing to others. The way others see us should not have an effect on who create ourselves to be and we need shy away from this terrible mindset. While opinions can be important to an extent, it shouldn't dictate the way we portray ourselves.
DeleteA lot of people seem to think that the answer to whether or not a person cares about what people think of them, depends on who that person is. Are they of strong personality? If so, then they probably won’t care. Are they seemingly shy or self-conscious? If so, then they more than likely to care. However, I find this response to be two-dimensional. I find, that in order to get the answer to this question, you have to look at the context of who exactly the “people” thinking about you are not he person you’re asking. If you were to ask me whether I care what a college interviewer thought of me, I would definitely care, probably more than I should. But when it comes to my peers, I wouldn’t have anywhere near the same degree of care. The way I would answer the question almost solely depends on the context of the situation. However, I do admit to being perhaps more self-aware than the average girl. For that reason, I, over all, probably care more about what people think of me. I could be mistaken in this since there is no way to know just by looking, how concerned someone is about their reputation. But from what I know, I am rather self-conscious. As far as who I care about having a good reputation with, there is a definite hierarchy. At the bottom is the people who walk the halls of Oakcrest and I have no idea who they are. It’s a simple concept, I don’t know you, why would I care? One step above this is my family. Now this might sound very cynical, but hear me out. I love my family but to an extent, they don’t really know me. They only see one side of me, this is partly because my family isn’t really close and also because I don’t really show my true personality to them because they are never around. When they are around, they don’t really make an effort to “get to know me” because they think they already do. Above my family is the people who will decide my future. Teachers, interviewers, potential employers, these are the people with whom I begin to make a conscious effort to watch myself so they think highly of me. At the second highest spot are my friends. Functioning like the close family I don’t have, my friends know me very well and so I value their input about me. Finally, the single person I care the most about is me. It goes back to the whole self-pride thing where if I didn’t make myself “number one” so to speak, I would end up becoming someone else. If I valued my friends’ opinions over my own, I would slowly transform into what they want to see. It is really a matter of self preservation, I like who I am and I want to stay that way so my own voice is the loudest in my head.
ReplyDeleteThe origin of us valuing what other’s think about us is the part of human nature that states we are social creatures. In order to be social, you have to have people who like you so they are willing to be social with you. We want to belong, and so the price of changing ourselves is outweighed by the reward for feeling wanted. This fact can be viewed in a negative as well as positive light. The downside of us being so willing to change ourselves, is that sometimes we change for the worse. Peer pressure can push us into doing some not-so-honorable deeds. On the flip side, when we associate ourselves with good people, they can have the effect of making us better as well. As Matlack would say “Put good in to get good out.” I tend to think that even though we commonly think peer pressure can only be bad, I find the scale to be balanced. We are going to change no matter what, it’s a result of maturation, so if we are tweaked even more by the people we concern ourselves with, and those people are decent, letting yourself be influenced by others can actually turn out to be a good thing. The problem arises when we can’t tell when a person is decent and when they aught to be avoided. Solve this, and I don’t think concern about what other people think of you will be a bad thing.
Tommi, your blog overall was very insightful to me. I thought your description of how you personally view yourself as “self preservation” was an excellent analogy for how we need to view life. It is the effort of most teenagers today to change everything they stand for in order to make themselves more relatable to society; their mindset is that they somehow are beneath others. I admire you for so strongly standing up for who you are and maintaining your beliefs. That is a trait that I find to be respectable and inspiring because many people lack the endurance to continue being themselves. Keep up the good work and excellent blog!
DeleteI really appreciated your breakdown of the topic in which you took the context of the situation into consideration. Different groups of people have different amounts of importance values depending on who you are. Of course you are more likely to care about the opinions from a group of people you highly respect. It does not necessarily make you self-conscious for caring about what others think of you. I like the way you are able to make sure you are satisfied with who you are without the worries of trying to please everyone around you. All that matters is that you are happy with yourself despite what anyone else may think.
DeleteSpeaking as someone who often loses sight of who I am, I can say that you are spot on with your idea that not listening to your own voice over the voices of others leads to you losing yourself. I've lost sight of who I am more than once and its never fun realizing that I really don't know who I am trying to be. Your whole blog was really awesome! I really enjoyed reading such a well collected set of thoughts, especially compared to the nonsensical approach I usually take to the blogs.
DeleteBeing stubborn and sassy has always been a part of my personality, but I usually chose to put up a calm and responsible demeanor, to not fool people, but because I feel a mix of shyness, personal privacy, and the feeling of just not wanting to share. And more than once I’ve said “I don’t care what anyone else thinks…” and I truly try to push everything aside and be me. But I’m still uneasy on the inside. Other people’s perception of me is important, but not crucial for me. Though it is of upmost importance of what my family thinks. I want everyone to see that I’m a caring, kind, respectful, happy, fun, smart, calm, and understanding person. But really who wouldn’t enjoy the satisfactory of being perceived as that. I find it hard not to care what anyone thinks because society is like those creepy eyes that stare you down. Although at times I have forced myself to smother my concerns in order to accomplish personal goals in my life and it is a difficult task. Also the way that I see myself is important. I always want to further prove to myself that I can be better than what I am and sometimes burn myself to the ground. But every time I find a way to bounce back up thanks to my stubbornness. Everyone sometimes gives into the pressure and heat once in a while, but it’s not always necessarily “bad.” The possibilities are endless on what could happen when you decide to rearrange yourself because of what others say. It could change you and your life for the better or just spin everything out of control. But taking chances is just part of living. We are on the search for happiness so maybe caring about what someone thinks could be helpful in finding it. Though we should sincerely realize that a balance needs to be made instead of siding with one and see what the outcome is.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you I do keep everything on the inside and care as to what people think of me, but it is my family's perception of me that I value most.
DeleteSotiria, I never knew that you were sassy. Ever since I met you last year, I have seen you as one of the sweetest girl with the best manners. Last year, I have seen you share quite often, so I wouldn’t call you shy. I like how you stated that you like to act like yourself, despite your emotions. I also agree with your view on society; I too see society’s failures of setting standards as the destruction of people’s lives because, society’s standards have affected me.
DeleteI know what you mean about pushing aside your true personality at the fear of what others will think. It is so hard in my mind to let other see that you have changed or that you're not the same person they perceive you to be. I also admire that you take others perceptions into consideration but don't let that define you that is a truly great trait.
DeleteSoti, I think you're right in everything you said. Though I might be on the opposite side on caring what my family thinks the most, to me it's more about my peers. I get into trouble because I don't keep up appearances for family, the same as my close friends. I'd rather they just know me as I am with my unpleasantries and dryness. I can only hope that those people I care about most will accept me as is. And I also made the simple point of how everyone wants to be perceived well. It's only natural. Humans are social creatures.
DeleteActually, this blog has an interesting aroma that is attracting personal thoughts without boundries. Your success or failure sometimes depend on the people around you. However, this makes them have an important role in your life.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of success; what people say or think could be a source of encouragement. Why? Their was a kid who came home from school with a sad face. The kid was ask why the sad face by the parents, the kid tells them it was because in one way or another failed his test. Normally, parents especially my parents get really upset. The parent tired to look at the situation in a diferent way and adviced him to grab the next opportunity. He tells his friends in school, as good friends give good advices, they helped him to study hard for the next test.
In terms of failure; What people think or say about us could cause failure. Why? A girl in her physics class tried to prove the fórmula of retardation, she is npt able to prove it. However, by listening to her peers after class ,the girl could not solve it the next day because she was told by her friends she was not smart enough to solve it. Maybe she could not have Solved it, but she could have seeked for help.
“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.”Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948); In the nut shell, what people say or think about us is not important because we can decide to believe what ever they say or not to believe them.Aside the fact that we can decide on the ideology of people about us , we must choose wide friends who will not critisize but help find solution to our problem.In the first story, she was like she had people to comfort and encourage her but not for the second girl.Personally, I like people to tell me their thoughts on what i do since i may look at it differently and gives me options but not affect me in anyway and helpe identify my true friends.
when I transfered to Oakcrest high school , my favorite quote is, I'M WHO I CHOOSE TO BE, this quite or maybe evenly concludes my ideas on what people say about me .
This quote could be found on top of the Guidance supervisors room.
I liked the way you started your response. I totally agree with you, success and failure depend on the people around you and the opinions that people give are so vital to the way people determine their success. Although I didn’t understand your example of the kid, I have parents who don’t get upset about my wrong actions, but furious. I don’t quite agree with your stance on the opinions of others because I have had experiences in the past have shown me that opinions matter a lot to the things I do and the things I pursue. I think that if we surround ourselves with people who are wise and give great advice, harsh opinions will never decry our success rate. I like how you added your experience with transferring to Oakcrest because, as far as I can tell, you have gone very far.
DeleteI agree with the idea that success and failure are relative to the people you surround yourself with. I also admire your open mindedness. You are always willing to accept the opinions of others and you don’t take them personally. I envy that quality actually. Overall, your response is idealistic yet I believe it to be true of you. So great post Stav!
Deletearoma lol. Ok, Stav, I read a book over the summer that talked about this... theory?.. Well it said that what people tell us we start to believe and it proved this theory through tests, and its true! I think the most we can do to solve this epidemic of conformity is to trust ourselves and intuition and be kind to others.
DeleteAlthough I don't know the exact number of times I have said, “I don't care what anyone else thinks...” I'm certain that I haven't said it enough to seem like I don’t care about the opinions of the people around me. If you haven't noticed, I actually care what people think about me because whether or not I like the idea of caring about what anyone else thinks, the people around me will always come back to haunt me with what I have said; and I think that whatever anyone does, people will criticize every action that seems worthy of exploitation. I think the only times that I have said, "I don't care what anyone else thinks..." was when I tried to act like I felt the need to do whatever I want or I directly said the phrase to someone I didn’t like to prove that person wrong. I think if I say, "I don't care what anyone else thinks..." I seem arrogant and rude, and that people will eventually take my character the wrong way and categorize me differently. When I was younger, I remember my parents telling me that I should always be cautious about the things people have to say because people will always criticize every act that I do, and ever since I was young, I have been caught into caring what everyone’s opinion is, especially due to the fact that my parents watched my every move and commented on everything I did.
ReplyDeleteFrom past experiences, I have dealt with problems that always involved the opinions of people. When I had my eating disorder problem a year ago, I always thought about the opinions of different people; I wanted to be perfect and I wanted people to think differently when they saw me. I wanted people to think that I wasn’t a fat blob. When I ran through the dry and sandy blueberry fields, I would think about the horrible things people had to say about people who were obese and the harmful things people did to obese people and the horrible things said to me. When I went to bed with an empty stomach, I wondered why people put burdens into people’s minds to be perfect; people needed to be perfect. Having dealt with such a horrible experience put me in the paranoia of constantly thinking what people think and say about me. When I was better with my health, I learned so much. After working towards being perfect, I learned that with a lot of hard work I can accomplish anything.
Whether we like it or not, people will always care about what we say, even if we act like we don’t care. Unfortunately, people care enough about the opinions others have to say and go to the extreme like I did. People think that they have to be the best at something. They think that if they aren’t, people will judge their mistakes. People go to extremes because they want to seem perfect, without flaw, so people wouldn’t judge harshly.
I agree even though that famous saying is my mantra I still do care what certain people think of me.
DeleteI’m sorry to see that you have the rather cynical view that everyone is liable to judge anything you do at any given time. And I understand it’s origins since you have parents that are like that. There is a moral line to tread when it comes to not giving one’s self up excessively but still acting in accordance to those who love you. It seems to really seems to really have an effect on you. I can definitely relate as coming off as unintentionally rude. But you have to level your reputation with a certain principle, and there is never a simple answer.
Delete“I do not care what anyone else thinks of me!” Believe me I have said it time and time again and even though I believe this it is only to an extent, which I believe is for everyone. I have said this statement so many times it might be my mantra and I believe it’s the same for many of us, I have said it for all different reasons being someone doesn’t like me, they are talking about me, or comment on something I do or believe in. I think I do this to keep me sane because that is one thing that absolutely irks my nerves when someone is saying something when they have absolutely no place to, usually the times I play this mantra in my head I am speaking of someone I do not know, nor have any feelings for, basically a person who I really do not care what they feel for me when I feel nothing for them. This is where there is some gray area because the quote says “I do not care what anyone thinks…,” but in reality I do care what some people think me to an extent meaning close friends and family. They are the only people who I will take into consideration what they say as long as it is in my best interest. The people what actually care for me I believe can really influence me because I believed everything they said so I always did whatever they told me and did not give it a second thought, until I got older. Something changed in me and I do not really know what but I question everything and weigh the pros and cons in my head even if I do not put voice to it. Don’t get me wrong most times I will still do what is suggested from family (certain people) but I will always think for myself before I make a final decision. I only care for these certain people’s input on my life because I believe they have my best interests at heart, and I want to know that I am important or have a good image with my name because I think it is important for the people you love, and love you back to think highly of you. Finally there are many things to affect our thinking or our decisions like peer pressure, parental pressure, and self-imposed pressure these things can be very helpful in some instances whereas in others it is a highly toxic brew of pressures. I feel this way because some of these pressures will give some ideas or shed some new light as to whether or not go through with certain actions that are being weighed, on the other hand all these pressures can be noxious because sometimes all a person needs is some peace and quiet to try and make up their mind on their own.
ReplyDeleteI like how you mentioned that the phrase is your mantra. I think that even though you are a quite person, I think that you are a person who likes to be you. You mentioned that you care what people say to a certain extent because the truth is that some things can hurt. I do agree with you, the only time I have said the phrase about not caring, I have only said it to people I don’t like. I think that once you feel the hatred or disagreement between someone else, you eventually turn hurt and feel the need to defend what you want to reserve. I like how you mentioned that you have a good relationship with the people that you love and love back because there aren’t many individuals who have sympathy towards everyone’s emotions or actions.
DeleteI feel the same way you do! I try my best not to let the people that I don’t like opinions mean anything to me. The only opinions that truly matter to me are my friends and family. If they feel a certain way about me I will try to change but only for the people that I love and care about. So don’t ever stop being who you are and don’t change for anyone that doesn’t matter.
DeletePeople tell me that I am a free spirit a lot. I guess just watching me live moment to moment it must appear that way. But in reality I don’t do what I want very often. Sure I do things like follow Bunje around during class some days or I sit on top of my desk when we are in circles just because I can but those are little choices. Deciding to do those things are not going to have any giant impact on my life besides maybe get some people annoyed at me for being distracting. But when it comes to big decisions I don’t often just do what I want. Why I do this probably has something to do with how afraid I am of disappointing the people I care about. I care about those people’s perceptions of me because of how much I care about them, I don’t care about many people, I’m just not that type of person so when I do find someone I care about I feel the need to keep them happy. I am in AP classes because my parents want me to be successful and after what I put them through last year they deserve to have a son they can be proud of instead of just one they worry about every second. I act so crazy because I want to make sure my friends don’t forget me. I could get more in depth with this stuff but as you all should know by now I hate sharing things when they get too personal. This blog reminded me of a conversation I had with Mrs. Rock last Friday. I was talking about school stress, being worn out from acting happy, and some things involving girls and Rock stopped me locked me right in the eyes and told me that I needed to stop living for other people. She told me that I should make a decision based on what I wanted to do for once and it really hit me. I try so hard to keep everyone else happy with who I am that I constantly hate who I end up being and whenever I have a moment of realizing this something comes up and I get caught up trying to be something I don’t want to be again. To make things even worse is that I spread myself so thin that I end up falling short in every part of this person I try to be, I don’t do work because by the end of the day I am so worn out from playing this character. I end up pushing away my friends because I stop being the person they became friends with and I just turn into this fake being and I sacrifice my happy energetic random personality for a sluggish and emotionally fragile one that can barely make it through each day without breaking down. Once again I feel like I got off track with this blog but I also feel like I shared more than I am usually comfortable with and it feels good. So my final answer to all of your questions is I really don’t know, I guess some of us just feel like they need to live for others instead of for themselves and I hope I can stop being one of those people.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to listen to me when I say this, but you shouldn't worry so much about what other people think. I was wrong when I said that you do what you want. Your friends are kind enough to accept you for who you are, so don't worry about impressing those people who won't accept you for you. They aren't worth your precious time or energy.
DeleteYou brought up the point that you try to make people happy because you care about them. I dont think that's good and i know you know that. You are nothing but a little emotional doll they can control based on their own moods. No one should have that control over you. Care about people, not for them.
DeleteStruggling to accept what others think about you is a trademark of adolescence. Though I believe that no one is completely immune to the notion of what others think, I believe that caring less is liberating. I speak from personal experience because over the last few years I have begun to care less what others think of me for the simple reason that I am not defined by other people but by myself. But there are definitely times where I feel the need to exhibit my best efforts because I want to retain my identity as just Dave and no one else. And there’s where the fear of what others think comes in. It is a desire to want to keep what is current and good because a drastic change in identity is rather difficult. When people think of you differently, they tend to treat you differently, and as a result, you have to somehow morph yourself into that narrow minded expectation of what you’re supposed to be. This is a bit contradictory to my earlier point of being only defined by myself. But I believe this is also a control issue. When we convince ourselves that others have more influence over our own behaviors than we do, it is quite uncomfortable. Feeling like you have control over the key qualities the defines you strips you of your individualism.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I’m not sure how much I let others determine my decisions. I feel like almost everything I do is out of self interest, but I would not be able to do these things if I didn’t receive vindication. Earlier today, I had gotten into a episode with Fresne in which I told her a few select things that no student should ever say to his vice principal, but trust me, it was out of a matter of principle (excuse the pun). Without going into the nitty gritty, it was an example of this sort of confrontational attitude I have when I am in strong disagreement or resentment. But I wouldn’t probably couldn’t bring myself to challenge anything if I didn’t receive positive feedback from my peers. I do it because I feel it’s right, but it definitely would not be worth the effort if I didn’t receive at least some vindication for standing up to Lucifer. Sometimes, seeking the approval of others is necessary to just not look like a fool. This might seem to imply that everything I do is for the approval of others, but that is far from the truth. I just chose to censor myself along the lines of whether or not people will view me as outlandish. And even then, I feel bad that I might be compromising some kind of principal. However, the more painful and uncomfortable part would be being judged for sticking to some idea or action and suffering a change in identity as a result. The discomfort in having to let myself be defined by some arbitrary act is unbearable and in that capacity, the opinions of others dictates my actions greatly.
What’s interesting is the people who often say “I don’t care what others think of me” do so in the most public of places. To me, this sounds like a ridiculous contradiction because it’s not hard to figure out that those people often just say that so they can be judged as independent and strong… which is contradictory to that whole statement. I always found this very scenario to be one of the greatest ironies of all time. But there whole purpose for doing this speaks to a higher insecurity. This is not to put down people with insecurities (we all have them) but to just point out that the approval of others is that which gives us security. Trying to find the perfect line between self definition and public acceptance is difficult, but it is what ultimately determines our behavior.
Dave, I am proud of you for your "episode" with the Frez. I honestly wish that I was there! I agree with your point that the approval of others provides us with some kind of security. It gives us the illusion (for some it is an illusion, not all) that we are not alone. This sense of security can tremendously boost our self-esteem and our ever-changing mental state. As human beings, we need to make more of an effort to live for ourselves and not for others. Needless to say, this is quite the task and people will continue to "put on their best face" for generations to come.
DeleteWhy do I have to be absent when you do something cool? I like your consideration of the "control factor", which is something I allude to in my post but never out right mention. We all have a desire to be in control of things and be independent, yet at the same time, we want to please others. These two things are very contradictory in nature and may be the reason why everyone on the post claims to be in the middle ground when considering whether they let others' opinions affect them.
DeleteI feel as though this weeks’ blog topic will truly be the thing that breaks me. I do care a great deal about what others think about me; all except for one person. However, there was a point in time when her opinion mattered to me. That point in time has long since expired. The more time I spend with this insatiable woman, the more I see that no one can do or say anything right. This caused me realized that I could almost never be in her “good graces”. Therefore I have simply given up with trying to be the idyllic granddaughter and am somewhat forcing her to accept the fact that I am Jasmine, not some lump of play-doh that can be molded into your mind’s perfect creation.
ReplyDeleteOn a much lighter note, the opinions of others do matter to me. The opinion of my friends matters to me because they understand how I tick, how I operate. My friends are there to give their input on what they really think about me. I have found myself time and time again asking what my friends think of me and they respond that I am a “loving person”. They understand that I am fragile and they understand the things that wind up breaking me. If they didn’t see me as a loving/ lovable person, they would not want to hang around me anymore. I honestly haven’t told them that I love and value each and every single one of them. Without their beautiful faces and personalities, I would quite honestly lead a miserable existence. More importantly, I value the opinion of my family, especially my parents seeing as they know what is best for me. If I did not value their opinions in the slightest, I would have turned out to be a hellion.
The only reasonable explanation for me valuing all of these opinions is that I love each and every single one of these people. We have all engaged in our arguments, but I still love them. They are the friends and family that I would never ever consider trading. Their opinions have honestly helped my own self-esteem. If everyone had thought so very poorly of me, than I, too, would think poorly of myself. Due to the fact that all of these people happen to be extremely close to me, they are able to give me feedback regarding my behavior and my attitude toward certain things. For instance, seeing as I tend to complain to my family unit about school, they are able to tell me that perhaps I need to be a tad more complacent. I can take this critiquing from them because they are my family. As far as my friends are concerned, they are able to reach me through meaningful, yet discursive conversation. These are just the kind of friends that I have. We have in depth conversations from time to time, but we usually stray off into strange chats. Today’s conversation was about how one goes about gaining participation points.
Seeing as I am a 16 year old girl, I feel the need to drag a more emotional feel into this discussion. I believe that people will want to gain the approval of another person especially if they have developed romantic feelings for said person. I am completely guilty of this, as are many other people. You don’t want the person that has caught your eye to despise you or think that you are an absolute lunatic. We will sometimes go out of our way to make sure we fit the description the qualities that this person is looking for in a potential partner. It’s only natural, I believe. We just cannot stop ourselves, we are human and we crave the attention, love, and affection of others.
Dom, I agree with fairly everything you talked about and i think it is true failure and rejection work hand in hand because when you fail in life people turn their backs at you thinking you can never become successful. good job.
ReplyDeleteThe opinions of others should not have such a big impact on how I portray myself but for some reason it still effects me. Maybe it’s because I am generally a self-conscious person but who knows. Over the years I have gradually learned to care less about what other people think of me but every now and then I randomly panic over the possibility that my peers think negatively of me. I am constantly stuck in a tug of war battle between caring too much and not caring at all. As much as I would like to just brush off pressures of being appealing to everyone, I still can’t resist the fact that my low self esteem will make me believe that I am a worthless and unwanted person. The combination of these negative thoughts and anxiety over the opinions of others is very detrimental to my emotional health. Believe it or not, I used to be worse. Before high school I used to have the biggest fear of saying something that would come off as extremely offensive, annoying, or dumb so I would end up keeping my words to a minimum. I thought that it was just best not to say anything at all just so I wouldn’t run the risk of being viewed in a negative light. It got to the point where I would regret not voicing my own opinion in fear of being looked down upon. What makes my situation even worse is that I have never had any true experiences with being bullied. I just always assumed that people probably resented me for whatever reason. From these experiences, I have learned that no matter what people may think of me, I am not worthless.The harsh judgements people may have of me is what’s really worthless. I shouldn’t have to live my life constantly fearing the hateful opinions someone may have of me. What matters most is that I am happy with who I am. I think that it’s upsetting that so many people, teenagers in particular, have so many issues similar to mine. There are so many people who are afraid of expressing their personality or opinions because of the social pressures of being accepted by their peers. The phrase “I don’t care what others think of me” is something many people claim they live by but how many times will these people actually stick to this mindset? Many people who claim to have little care about the opinions of others still seem to put excessive thought into how their actions will effect the way they are viewed. I know that I still find myself in these situations where I will still be hesitant in expressing my opinions or personality no matter how much I try not to care. It’s ridiculous that we care so much because in reality we are all unique and we just need to accept that everyone is different. There will be people that you don’t like and there will also be people that don’t like you but in the end it doesn’t even matter. Who cares what other people think. Don’t be afraid to act goofy just because you don’t want others to be annoyed by your actions. As long as you aren’t harming anyone, you have every right to express yourself. Personalities and opinions are things we should take great pride in despite the possibility of negative feedback. Flaunt the things that make you stand out from the crowd because you are unique and that’s what makes you wonderful. Don’t let other people effect who you are because it is definitely not worth it. If you worry too much about what other people think, you will end up losing contact with your true identity and that’s the last thing you want to do. We are all special in some way so why not show the world what makes you the extraordinary individual you are.
ReplyDeleteEmily, I agree with your idea of caring too much or not caring at all. There is almost no median. Sometimes you will say things that will ruffle some feathers, but just say it. There are moments in life when you need to be a mixer and cause a slight stir. Regardless of what happens, you are NOT worthless. I also agree with your point of embracing what makes us different. It begins to be quite tiresome seeing people who are set on being so black and white.
DeleteI think that those feelings that you have are very common whether they are genuine among the other people or not. I feel like you very accurately described the thoughts and emotions of a kid overcoming the effects of social pressure. It's very difficult to disconnect yourself from those negative feelings, so kudos to you.
DeleteFrancessca, execllent blog, it is true, being a teenager is an influential age, we often forget ourselves and try to let the words of others describe us. Thanks.On the other hand , great job , I agree witg your points.
ReplyDeleteEmily, generally I agree with all your thoughts, sometimes we all find ourselves in a situation that is like tug of war.I also agree with you on the fact sometimes I get scared that maybe I might offend someone and it might not seem like an offensive to me. Totally enjoyed your blog. thanks.
ReplyDeleteIt is very common for teenagers to get bent out of shape about what others say and I am no exception. However, if that type of judgment comes from a stranger of someone who doesn’t really know me I only take it at face value but when that judgment comes from a close friend or family member that’s when I truly get upset because even if I know it’s not true it still hurts to know that’s how the people who are supposed to know me and are around me every day perceive me in a way that is a false idea or misrepresentation. It’s mainly because I start to wonder that if that’s how people who are supposed to know me perceive me then are the ideas I have about myself truly off base. Another factor is that I’m a little sensitive so when I’m called lazy or am told that my room is messy I wonder is that room a reflection of myself and if so does that mean I am a slob when really I know it’s just that I am always so busy I don’t have the energy to do something I consider tedious like cleaning my room. Another thing is when I’m called lazy I wonder “Am I not doing enough? Am I not trying hard enough?” when the true fact is I am doing everything that I can and the things that others perceive as something that truly matters is getting forgotten in my quest to do so many other things. So despite the fact that I know that the judgments may not be true and the things people say aren’t taking my opinion into account when things are said that are hurtful to me I still take offense. As much as perceptions affect me expectations have the same effect which is why I try my hardest not to get C’s and continue to do activities that I might have quit if not for the urging of others. However, in regards to the expectations of others I’m getting better because now when I think about other expectations I ignore them because I know as long as I’m trying my hardest others expectations don’t matter. In addition, it also means that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do just because someone else tells me I should.
ReplyDeleteJust like you, a comment from a close friend or a family member really affects me. I’ve been called lazy before too and I can’t help, but be upset when I get called that. It makes me wonder what I could really do more, but I really do everything that I can to please them. It’s disheartening to think that someone close to me would think of me that way. This is just their judgment and we shouldn’t let it get to us, but I guess we’ll have to learn how to ignore people judgments of us and just be whom we really are.
DeleteTamirah, i have those same stemming thoughts, and i was and still am very sensitive but i have built up a thick skin. Also, for me, if i get a judgement form a stranger, i take more consideration into it because those first impressions are really accurate most of the time. I don't know i can really relate to your post and i guess in essence you. Keep up the good work :)
DeleteI hate being called lazy more than anything. Especially by my dad, who does nothing. Does he, or anyone else, not realize all the things I do in the day? Give me a break. I can only handle so much. I'm slow, and irresponsible, and lots of things I need to do build up but that doesn't mean I'm lazy. And I can't stand expectations. I can't help but chase after them no matter how ridiculous they may be, even now. I have to try and remember that as long as I do my best nothing matters, but I'm not sure if my twisted mind would be okay just with that.
DeleteTamirah wow great job I would have never though it that way. Wow I am truly stunned because I love the sentence “that judgment comes from a close friend or family member that’s when I truly get upset because even if I know it’s not true it still hurts to know that’s how the people who are supposed to know me and are around me every day perceive me in a way that is a false idea or misrepresentation.” That part is very beautiful because I understand that if people think of me in a different way then I will feel hurt. Unlike what some stranger thinks of me. I have to say that being called lazy or your room being a mess does no justice in determining how you are. People aren’t perfect and so someone has secrets but that should be a factor in determining who you are. But great job Tami rah and I really enjoyed your post.
DeleteEver since I was a little kid, I’ve taken everyone’s opinion of me personally. It’s something that either totally brings me down or completely picks me up. I’d love to say that I truly don’t care what anyone else thinks, but I don’t think that that will ever happen. As I grew older, I realized that I cared more about what they thought of my looks, not really my personality. People’s opinions of me have also become less and less important to me, but I still care about what they say. However, I do believe that I have a strong enough integrity to not fall for peer pressure. No matter what my peers perceive of me, I will never make a poor decision due to them, but I do fall under peer pressure sometimes. What they say will not affect my decision on doing what I believe is right and makes me happy, but there are people who strongly affect my decisions, and they are my parents. I don’t even know where to begin. I love my parents and I’m very grateful for everything that they’ve done to me, but they’re the ones that I could never say no to. I do everything that they want me to do. I don’t think about what I want, I think about what they want and what I believe would make them proud. I’m part of an orchestra, but there’s been many times where I’ve wanted to quit; however, I never do because I’m too afraid of what my parents would say and I just feel like a disappointment. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “Why can’t I stand up for myself? Why can’t I do what really makes me happy?” However, I know that I could never stand up to my parents and talk back to them. There’s nothing that scares me more than disappointing. Just the thought of getting a B scares me because I don’t want to see the look of disappointment on my parent’s faces. Most people will probably say, “Why worry? They’re your parents and they’ll be proud of you no matter what.” Truth is, my parents don’t consistently nag me to get good grades, but they once did and all the pressure from before has stuck with me. It has become self-inflicted pressure to keep my grades up, play in the orchestra and do whatever my parents have told me to do before. My family means everything to me and I will do anything to please them, even if it includes sacrificing my own happiness, but writing this post made me realize that I really don’t always need to do that. Always falling under their pressure is a good and bad thing. It leads me to strive to be the best I could be, but also leaves me totally stressed. It also makes my actions be for someone else’s happiness, not my own. I know my parents never mean to put this much stress on me, but it feels like they really do. However, is it them putting pressure on me or is it myself? As time passes by, we grow more individually and grasp that our parents have on us will slowly fade away. Hopefully, this means that the pressure goes away too, but I will always be grateful for my parents for pushing me to become the best that I can be.
ReplyDeleteThis is easier said than done, but you need to NOT fret over getting a B. Both you and your parents need to understand that you tried your best at the given subject, and that is your grade. If you were a vegetable in class, then that would be an entirely different discussion altogether. It is understandable that you wish to please your family, but you need to please yourself as well. At the end of the day, grades don't matter anymore. Your mental health matters. You could have the highest grades in the world and be an emotional wreck that cannot function in the world. You must alleviate some of the pressure that you are putting on yourself and lower your standards (this sounds terrible, but bare with me). Instead of stressing over the fact that you must get an A in every single subject, stress over the fact that you must pass every single subject.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI can’t count the amount of times “I don’t care what they think” has come out of my mouth. I can’t count this because it’s such a high number. I probably say, or think, this statement a minimum of three times a day. I get ready in the morning and I look at myself in the mirror and think, “Wow I really look like a bum today, but I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.” Although if this were true, if I really didn’t care then I wouldn’t have even of thought about it to begin with. I’ve realized that I only say I don’t care what other people think about my appearance to cover up the fact that I do actually really care. I think I care so much about what others think of me because I want to fit in. I don’t want to stand out and be unique by wearing something different or daring because then people will talk about me, and I hate the thought of my name coming out of someone else’s mouth in a negative way, or really in any way. I try my best to blend in and wear what everyone else wears so I can stay where I want to be, unnoticed. So I say I don’t care but deep down inside I really do care, but I hate that I care so much. I wish I could be daring and wear something different for a change but I’m way too scared to do that. Why? Why do I care so much? For myself I think I care so much about what others think about me because I don’t really like being noticed. I like staying out of the limelight, that way no one has any reason to talk about me, in a good or bad way. The reason why other people care so much about what people think of them goes back to the second blog post about fitting in and feeling like we belong. We care what others think about us because we all just want to fit in with others and feel a sense of belonging. It is important to belong because if we don’t belong somewhere or to someone then you feel useless and empty. This needing to belong influences the choices we make every day. If your friend doesn’t like your shoes, or the way your hair is today most likely you will try your best to change it because you need them to like you. So other people’s perceptions and expectations influence what we do because we need them to like us. I hate this about myself though, I wish I could just do whatever I want and everyone will accept me. I feel like everyone should just be able to be who they are without being judged. Every person on this Earth is different, and it seems like no one can embrace this fact. It’s so important to accept everyone because we all have flaws and we all have great qualities about us and if you judge people on their flaws you will never get to see their true inner qualities.
ReplyDeleteI have told myself several times that I don't care what others think, I try to convince myself that I don't. However no matter what, I feel at times that I really do care. As to why, I feel as though it's human nature to care. I just imagine a caveman trying to pick up a bigger rock than the next guy, he wants others to look favorably upon him. Sometimes I try to impress people, then I realize how stupid I'm being and stop. Still though, I can never stop the habit. I think it's because it's hard for me to make friends. While I can keep friendships going on pretty well, starting them is difficult for me. I always feel as though everyone has a reason to hate me, so to make up for that I try to impress them with different things and sometimes it messes up my personality. I care about what people think about me because I just always have. Social interaction has just always been a thing people do in my eyes, and to do that you need people to actually enjoy talking to you and being in your presence. Also, people talk, if someone doesn't like you then instantly anyone they talk to has a bad sense towards you. It's a chain reaction. People's perception of us is important because in way, we judge ourselves by how others see us. It's how we rate one another, whoever is liked the most is the best in some way. It's a messed up rating system but it's how high school and even adulthood is. Although I do believe that some people have risen past this and know how to be themselves and not care. I admire these people and aspire to be able to hold myself like they can one day. For now though, I do care how people see me at times but other times I realize how stupid it is. I'm in between, like usual.
ReplyDeleteHurray, Dan, you made the same conclusion I did! People's perception of us is important, but not the most important thing. And I liked your point that perhaps the happiest people are those absolved of the need to care for what others think. Someone like Huck Finn!
DeleteDan you also get what I am saying. In that what people think is a necessary step in helping us find our sense of identity. I can totally agree with the fact of making friends is hard. If taking into consideration of what people thinks of someone else makes friends ship easier than it no wonder people are influence easily. And I am just like you in the in-between sometimes I don’t care what people think yet I kind of know that it is necessary to find our sense of identity so great job.
DeleteI’ve probably said “I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” about a million times, and most of the time, I say it just to make myself feel better because in reality, other people’s opinions mean a lot to me. Well, it kind of depends on who it is and whether or not they have proven their credibility. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter if they have proven their credibility because words can hurt, and when people insult me, I can only focus on the insult and whether or not it is true. At the moment, I don’t care who that person is because no matter how much I dislike or like that person, I feel like their opinion matters. However, once I get over the fact that I’ve been insulted, I may or may not realize that the person who made the rude comment is an imbecile.
ReplyDeleteIf a college interviewer were to tell me that I am never going to get into a good college, my initial reaction would be to cry. Once I manage to gather confidence that has broken into millions of pieces, I would make a goal for myself to prove him/her wrong so that I could give that person an emotional slap across the face, and that goes for anyone else who attempts to put me down. Depending on the person, I may or may not actually slap him/her. I have come to find that my opinion of myself isn’t always the most accurate and that there is always room for improvement. I take people’s comments to heart because that is the only way I can motivate myself to either make a change or stay the same.
But seriously, who cares about what anyone else thinks? I mean, why should I care about what any of you think? Why should I care about what any of my teachers think? It’s not like their opinions matter, right? It’s not like they are the ones entering my grades into Genesis or preparing for AP exams that could get me college credits. None of that matters anyway, right? Colleges don’t care about any of that stuff. I can just focus on my friends opinions, but why should I even care about what my friends say? It’s not they can affect my social life in anyway. They couldn’t possibly turn against me for being a jerk, and they would never convince other people to think badly of me because no one cares about what they say either. That is why there is no gossip or bullying.
We live in a world full of social pressure where we need to care about what other people think in order to feel socially accepted. Go ahead and correct me if I’m wrong because that is just the impression that I have been given. It just seems as though we are one big team, and the world cannot revolve without people caring about other people. If you were alone in nothingness, do you exist? There is nothing there to recognize your existence. My thought is that we let people’s perceptions and expectations of us influence our decisions because they make us feel as though we are important because they care enough to recognize our existence and our small effect on our colossal planet.
I can't really imagine you trying to slap anyone in the face, but sure I agree. And there is something really satisfying about proving someone wrong when they say something negative about you, for obvious reasons. I find it hard for me to be able to judge myself, so I take other's opinions to heart, too, and it's often the only way I know if I'm doing something right or wrong that might need changing. And it actually took me a second to realize you were being sarcastic. Ah. I was worried. But you're right. Of course opinions matter. We're pretty much the same in everything we said. We all want to be recognized and feel like we matter.
DeleteWell, I wouldn't actually be slapping a person...I would just make them feel like they have been slapped. Just knowing that I have left that effect on someone would make me feel proud because I would know that I have left a significant impact on that person, but it would also horrify me that I have hurt someone that much. I want to matter, but I don't want to matter in a negative way.
DeleteYou’re just like me, we care a lot about what others think of us. The opinions of the people around us really matter whether they are our friends or not. It all comes down to the fact that their criticism may be true and if someone that doesn’t like you says it then maybe everyone else is also thinking it, and just doesn’t want to tell you. This is like you said horrible though, everyone should be who they want to be and not be judged.
DeleteThe hallmark of a responsible person is the realization that no decision you make is made in a vacuum. What you do will affect others. Therefore, to live in a society, unless of course you are entirely Transcendentalist, we must accept and consider the opinions of others when we act. We have the folly of stigmatizing the allowance of others' opinions influencing our decisions. There is a delicate balance to strike between being independent in your convictions and being sensitive to the desires and opinions of others.
ReplyDeleteSociety depends on the predictability and dependability of people, so it becomes inevitable that we develop expectations of people and pressure them to live up to them. With the exception of sociopaths, humans have the inherent desire to fit in, so we develop the need to submit ourselves to other people’s expectations in order to satisfy this desire. Spontaneity is paramount to anarchy; to allow complete independence of thought would lead to the disintegration of society. Not to use the old Gov reason, but self-interest is of course the reason we pressure each other. We depend on each other's desire to please as a means of getting what we want.
We develop much of our self-value based on the impact we have on others. We therefore have this tendency to want to please each other. I am no exception to these universal truths – I dare call this desire to please part of the human condition. I am not ashamed of my susceptibility to peer pressure or parental pressure, because for the most part, the pressure I have been exposed to has been positive. That is to say, most of the pressure I have succumbed to has made me a better person or affected my life in a positive way. There could be consequences later on, but as of yet, the decisions I have made as a result of parental and peer pressure I do not regret. An integral part of my drive to achieve excellence is the expectation of my parents, teachers, coaches, peers, and associates to be excellent. This does not mean I am prone to submitting to the desires of others. I have no remorse in bucking expectations or acting against someone’s pressure if I feel justified in doing so. It may come across as insensitive, but so what? I try to please people, but ultimately, I put myself first, which is the easiest way of striking that balance between independence and pleasing others. Others' opinions matter, but mine matter more. Others' perceptions of me matter, but mine matter more. There is such thing as a healthy amount of susceptibility to pressure as well as being too independent. We should always value the perceptions of others, but value our own more.
In the end, it is important that we consider others' perceptions and opinions when we make decisions, but it is imperative that we do not make it the MOST important thing.
Let's face it. No matter how many times you say "I don't care what other people think about me," you do. And no matter how many times you deny that fact, you still care. I don't know, maybe that's just me. I think people care about what others think about them, but it all depends to what extent. Myself for example, it all depends. With looks, I don't really care because I can't change the way I look physically, and I can't change somebody's view on my physical look. However, with how somebody thinks of my personality or my intelligence or just anything, I care about. Maybe I do have confidence issues but I try to brush it off and act cocky. Sometimes I can pull it off, and other times I can't. It's kind of ironic how I just had a conversation with Bunje about all this stuff and bam- heres the blog post. I'm not sure why I let other peoples opinions matter so much to me. It would have me do a lot of thinking. I think it's because form an early start I have always felt some kind of way from another persons actions or words that has caused a permanent distress on my life in some way. That goes for a lot of you also. With certain things, some would say I don't have self respect. Not in the slutty, you do whatever a guy tells you to do kinda way, but in a way where I don't stand up for myself. Anybody's opinion effects what I say, what I do just everything. But I can also find a positive thing in this. Caring about what people think can be beneficial. Sometimes you need to take other peoples opinions and advice. But you can't let other peoples voices and opinions over rule your own. You have to speak for yourself, and live your life he way you want to live it, without other peoples opinions getting in the way. And at the end of the day, I need to take my own advice.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMaybe I’m oversimplifying this, but I think it’s pretty similar to when we had the blog about acceptance and belonging, and whether or not it’s necessary. And to be honest I probably lied when I wrote that blog. Who knows why. But I think that belonging is actually necessary, and that’s why many feel the need to censor themselves, and care about what other people think. Everyone likes to be liked. And it’s probably not good to admit, but I’ve rarely, if ever, said that I didn’t care about what anyone else thought. I try not to kid myself. I care too much about what other people have to say, and I know that. No one really wants to be that kind of person, but I am. That’s how I was raised. It’s not something I know how to fight off.
Another thing no one wants to ever say: the other people around mean everything to me. I don’t know if I do anything serious for myself. I just do what I’m told and let the chips fall as they may. Parents want good grades? Sure. Got it. Friends all AP, AP, AP? Hell yeah. I can’t leave them. Peers have good grades, are active in school, and good at sports? Can’t embarrass myself. Have to get into a good college. Better make sure I do that too. And it all just feeds off of each other and that’s how I became what I am now.
We’re all around different kinds of people throughout the day, and if we care about them, how can we not also care about their opinions? Even strangers. Even if someone isn’t like me and doesn’t just want approval to make themselves feel more useful (wow I’m kind of sad), no one can ever really tell if that’ll end up costing them later. People always affect other people, so their thoughts have to as well.
Other people’s opinions also make it easier to know whether you’re doing anything terribly wrong or not. It can be hard to judge yourself fairly, so it can be good for other people to tell you how they feel about you and what you do. But at the same time, I’m going to be another one of those people that say you shouldn’t let what others think stop you from being you. Even if that’s extra hypocritical coming from me. People shouldn’t matter. They do but they shouldn’t. So this notion has to be fought against. At the very least because we are still young and at liberty to make complete fools of ourselves, and still be alright in the eyes of society. Once we get older we have to care more and more what others think, so we have to enjoy these little freedoms while we can. Even if we love them, we can’t let people around us dictate who we are. There’s a reason we’re all different people. To act like anything else is a waste.
You said that we should take the liberty to make complete fools of ourselves while we are still young, but why should we change? Why can't we just stay kids forever? I ask myself these questions constantly. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be in high school, but I want to be this age forever. Freedom without complete responsibility. I think I would be okay with pausing time for a bit so all of us could spend more time together while things are the way they are. I mean sure, we have to deal with petty gossip and occasional "drama," but I would take that over worrying about my future any day. I would rather have to worry about teenagers judging me than having college interviewers judging me because honestly, I am terrified out of my wits of the future.
DeleteIf by change you mean into adults.. That's the fault of biology. I'm sorry. Can't fix that. Hahah. But you're right. If I could stay this way I would. But maybe for different reasons than you. I'm one of those boring people with a fear of failing, the unknown, and being alone. I don't really know what I'm going to do once I have to leave. We are kind of the perfect age, right now. But unless Peter Pan kidnaps me and I fly to Neverland, or I disappear/meet my end in a less fantastical way, there is no escape.
DeleteThere is no need to be afraid of failing because you'll always have people looking out for you, and they won't let you fail. The unknown is only scary if you let it be. I like to believe that everything will work out as long as I sow the wind. Don't worry about being alone. I think you should be more concerned about being surrounded by people who make you feel like you are alone. I've been wishing for years that Peter Pan would kidnap me and take me to Neverland, but it never happened. I'm not going to give up on that though. I'm just going to hope that it will happen in a more realistic form. If I do happen to meet my end in a less fantastical way, I hope that am able to leave some sort of life changing mark on at least one person.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI really hope it works out that way. I just don't know when I became so pessimistic about it all. And I don't know how to sow the wind. My chem grades do leave quite a bit to be desired. Ah. And well.. To me that's still alone. :P so same thing really. I should've said feeling alone though. And well.. When I was younger I dreamt I'd marry him. Shhhh.. Don't tell David. But I don't think that's happening either. And I am actually a big believer in the you're-not-dead-til-you're-forgotten thing. I hope for the same. Changing someone is just a teeny tiny piece of immortality we're all able to have.
DeleteI honestly can say that I don’t care what people think of me. I think this is most expressive in my clothes. I wear whatever I want. I wear clothes from my parents closet, clothes from consignment shops, I even make my own clothes all because I, as in myself, want to save the environment and don’t like giving my money to large retailers. Although some people admire my outfits, I have been told that I look like I’m covered in blankets, or I grabbed it out of my dad’s closet; which I did! These opinions don’t change my style, because my style is my expression, and to dress to others opinions really shows what kind of person you are. I am an individual. However, if I get a lot of negative opinions, it will sway my decisions, but not to the point where they’re not my decisions. I think my biggest fear is that I am living my life wrong and people are trying to help me but I’m being stubborn and making up excuses to why my values are right. It seems ridiculous, right? I just have really bad anxiety that I’ve acclimated to. I always have to remind myself to trust the universe and my intuition, but it’s hard to do that with confidence when your parents tell you it’s wrong. To answer the question, no, I don’t really care what people think about me, but sometimes I doubt my independence.
ReplyDeleteI think we care about others opinions because we’re too scared to be alone, whether it be physically, or emotionally. I saw this good quote in a comic that said “I’m not really sure what is scarier about space; that there’s other life besides us or we are completely alone right here.” . We all just want to be a part of something, and that something could be a part of the same opinion. I think this need to be reassured and part of something is natural, look at animals. I try to be as independent as I can. Honestly, as much as I love you all as individuals, I hate humanity. Or at least the attitude of it. But even free-roaming Danielle finds herself lonely from time to time, wishing she had a group of friends. But then I snap out of my self-pity and find myself happy with my life. So, yeah, I think it’s natural for us to be a part of something and most of us are too scared to face that fear. I used to never want to be alone but let me tell you, learning to cope with being alone and not feeling lonely is one of the most peaceful feelings ever.
I absolutely love that you can wear whatever you want and not care about how other people think of you. I personally love your wardrobe! You definitely do not look like you’re covered in blankets, but I feel if I tried what you do and wear stuff that no one else does, I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. I really admire that you don’t care of others opinions because I care so much about what others say of my clothes. Keep wearing what you want to wear and don’t ever let anyone’s opinions affect you. This is a great quality that you possess and I would hate if you let what others think change your style.
DeleteIn life people are always changing and this doesn’t exclude how we take in how people think of us. By this I mean that at a young age we are influence by everything that affects us but we stop, as we get older. For me my parents, friends, and teachers influence me very much and my whole life would have been very different if I didn’t take into consideration of what they think of me. In every person life there has always been someone who has taken care of us or has been an important role in our lives. So to really appreciate all of the important people in our lives we have been making decision that benefits others and ourselves. By this I mean that in my life I have been raise by my parents and I would like to show appreciation to my parents by doing good in school. So most of my decisions are influenced by my decision to show appreciation to my parents. But as I grew older I kind of step away from this idea of pleasing my parents because it is my life and career. So I am not going to be a doctor just to please my parents, but chose a career in which I excel and really enjoy and can actually make a difference in the world. This can be applied to making friends in that when we start making new friends, we take into consideration what other people think because we want to make new friends. However as times moves on and we already made friends, we will start to stop willing to please other people. In this sense, especially for me, the “I don’t care what anyone else think” is true but it is also false. Originally we are influence by anyone but as we grow up and start to develop a personal sense of identity we stray away from these influences. The reason we take into consideration of what other thinks at first is because of the fact that most people have experience. However we don’t take into consideration of what people who don’t have an effect on our lives. I truly wouldn’t care if some stranger told me I should change my way of life because of the fact that the person doesn’t have an effect on my life. Secondly, I already develop my sense of identity and I wouldn’t want to change. I wouldn’t say that people still aren’t influence by other but that we are influence less than before we develop a personal sense of identity. But there is a problem, in that some people don’t have their own sense of identity. With that in mind these people are very acceptable to bad influence or weak peer pressure like drugs or crimes. Then these people won’t develop their own identity until later. So what I am saying is that influence is a factor of life and we need it to grow until we find our own identity. It is just like baby steps because before we can run we need to walk and before we can walk we have to take small steps. So what people think of us is a necessary step until we can finally agree with our self and no one else.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this quote, I didn't get it at first. How is niceness a decision? Shouldn't everyone just be nice by human nature? Then I realized how naive I was to believe that. So to this quote my mind actually at first disagreed then agreed. Here's why: in my childhood I was always taught to be nice. Share, always say nice things and help others. Simple stuff right? Well, as we grow up we start to realize that it can be arduous to be nice. Especially when Kartik is around, but that's a completely different topic. As we see more of the world and mature in our view of it, we see the realities of the world. We see how some people are just not good people, being nice is not who they are. We just honestly have some bad people. Although there are some people who just seem to be entirely nice. So my first thought only saw who I deemed to be nice.
ReplyDeleteTo me, everyone is nice. No one is mean, they just have their moments. Human nature is to be nice. Then as my brain thought about it more, I realized the reality of the world. Not everyone is nice, being nice is not human nature. Maybe at one point it was, but now I don't believe it is and that saddens me. There are some very terrible people who deserve to be castigated for their actions yet live in luxury. But on the other side of the spectrum, there's extremely nice people who don't get what they deserve. So in short, my opinion of this quote actually varies by part. "Niceness is a decision", this is true, not everyone is nice or good to others because they chose to care only for themselves. "It is a strategy of social interaction", I don't agree with this. Most people who are nice do it to better others and just be a good humam being. It is not a strategy, it is just being a good person. "It is not character trait", I also disagree with this. Being nice is a testament to your good character, it always has been.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete